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Originally Posted by jewels443
Girls mature early these days, and rebellion is a natural part of this. Hormones, ya know? Keep doing what you're doing. Eventually, she will outgrow the "world revolves around me" syndrome and the things you've repeated to her will sink in.
Be patient and tolerant, tough and loving. Most of all, be consistent.
This, too, shall pass.
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Consistency is key. Parents are horribly inconsistent.
This is why, as a childcare worker, I subscribe to the KISS philosophy: Keep It Simple, Stupid. If you keep the rules simple and basic, they are easier to follow, for both parties.
I constantly review the rules with the kids I care for, at least once a month, so I know that they're clear on what my expectations of them are, and what their expectations of me are. '
It sounds like your daughter is breaking two of my key rules--be polite and be respectful. Being respectful means listening to your elders and doing what you are told. I see not listening as a safety issue, and I emphasize this to my kids regularly--how can I guarantee their safety outside of the house if they don't listen to me in the house, because they're showing me they won't listen when we're in situations with potential dangers. They know, very clearly, that if a caretaker (we define this person as parent, teacher, childcare worker) tells them to do something, they should do it, because generally that person is looking out for their safety.
You need to outline your expectations of her and the consequences if she fails to meet those expectations. You are not her friend--you are her parent, and you need to step up into that role. Sometimes that means being mean. I get that from my kids once in a while, but I know my job is to keep them safe, appropriate, polite, and respectful, and in order to do that, sometimes I have to punish them. They know if they do not share with one another, they will lose the toy they are fighting over. They know if they break a rule or defy me, they will end up in time out. They know if they use a toy to hurt anyone, they will lose it. While your daughter is older, there still need to be clear consequences. Her not listening IS a safety issue, and you should make it obvious to her that not listening has consequences, such as not being allowed to leave the house to participate in social activities, because if she doesn't listen, you can't guarantee her safety.
Clear rules, clear consequences, and consistency--and above all else, KISS.