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scarglitter · 11-24-2007, 02:35 PM

Hello all,
This is kind of complicated because I am confused about my feelings. The issue is that I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, and cohabitating for nearly 4. We get along great (people always comment that they can not believe we have been together so long because we get along so well). The reason I am feeling conflicted it that I am unsure where this is going. In the beginning, we both agreed we were not into the whole marriage thing. Now, I am reconsidering my views. On top of that, he really does not want marriage (which may be because he has not met the right person).

I am still not really into the idea of marriage, but at the same time, I fear I may be wasting my youth by staying in a long-term relationship with no future plans. While I do love him, and feel a very close connection with him, I am unsure where we are going, and at what point we realize we may be wasting each other's time. After talking to a couple of my older married colleagues, they both said they just knew when they were with the person they wanted to marry. While I do not really buy into the "magic" approach to marriage, it does seem like if, after 4.5 years, neither of us are even talking about long-term goals of the relationship, I fear we may be just waiting to see if something/someone better comes along. In the meantime, we are comfortable in our situation. I realize it is unique to have a relationship like ours, in which we really respect each other and get along so well. And the thought of breaking up makes me cry on cue. I just can not imagine my life without him. At the same time, I do not want to wake up one day with the realization that someone better came along and nabbed him, or I missed out on my 20s, which I feel should be a time of self-exploration.

I am interested to hear what your experiences are with long-term relationships. Where I am right now, I am unsure if I should stay in the long-term relationship, in which I am happy, with the risk of regret (missing out on other opportunities in my 20s), or if I should cut it off and explore myself further, with the risk of regret of losing such a great person.

Is this just the typical double-edged sword, in which people in relationships miss being single, while single people miss relationships?

Thanks for reading this and sharing your thoughts/experiences.

11-24-2007, 02:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
scarglitter Upright	At what point... Hello all, This is kind of complicated because I am confused about my feelings. The issue is that I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, and cohabitating for nearly 4. We get along great (people always comment that they can not believe we have been together so long because we get along so well). The reason I am feeling conflicted it that I am unsure where this is going. In the beginning, we both agreed we were not into the whole marriage thing. Now, I am reconsidering my views. On top of that, he really does not want marriage (which may be because he has not met the right person). I am still not really into the idea of marriage, but at the same time, I fear I may be wasting my youth by staying in a long-term relationship with no future plans. While I do love him, and feel a very close connection with him, I am unsure where we are going, and at what point we realize we may be wasting each other's time. After talking to a couple of my older married colleagues, they both said they just knew when they were with the person they wanted to marry. While I do not really buy into the "magic" approach to marriage, it does seem like if, after 4.5 years, neither of us are even talking about long-term goals of the relationship, I fear we may be just waiting to see if something/someone better comes along. In the meantime, we are comfortable in our situation. I realize it is unique to have a relationship like ours, in which we really respect each other and get along so well. And the thought of breaking up makes me cry on cue. I just can not imagine my life without him. At the same time, I do not want to wake up one day with the realization that someone better came along and nabbed him, or I missed out on my 20s, which I feel should be a time of self-exploration. I am interested to hear what your experiences are with long-term relationships. Where I am right now, I am unsure if I should stay in the long-term relationship, in which I am happy, with the risk of regret (missing out on other opportunities in my 20s), or if I should cut it off and explore myself further, with the risk of regret of losing such a great person. Is this just the typical double-edged sword, in which people in relationships miss being single, while single people miss relationships? Thanks for reading this and sharing your thoughts/experiences. Last edited by scarglitter; 11-24-2007 at 03:01 PM..