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Originally Posted by Prince
I hear ya.
I think a lot of my perspective is peppered with anger, so I'm not surprised if I am painting a picture in which there seems to be precious little reason for us to have even gotten together.
I think our problem is time management more than anything... I can't really offer her an alternative to her nights out, since I am done for by the time she gets off. That just leaves her days off, which is certainly a start.
We had a long talk last night, but I'm not sure if we got anywhere yet.
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Hey Prince, I went through something similar (being on both ends)...
The scheduling is key - see if you can try again at allocating time with each other and a night where she can go out and party.
You don't have to go hang out with her friends - it's no fun being around drunk people when you're sober anyway. For the nights that she goes out, see if you can arrange to have dinner/movie night with a friend. That way, you won't be sitting there waiting for her to get home (I hate that feeling). It will also give her the signal that you have your own life too and that your time and attention can go to someone other than her (meaning a friend, not implying cheating or anything here).
There are lines that you can draw. Because you're married, you do get a little bit of a say in what she does. I don't think it's unreasonable to refuse sex if she comes home pawing at you (my boyfriend used to do this after a night of drinking w/ the co-workers).
Otherwise, you should trust her until she proves untrustworthy. By the way, lots of girls make flippant comments that a waitress/coat girl/receptionist/Maria Bartiromo is hot. That doesn't mean they want to jump in the sack with her. I think that threesome comment kind of got carried away on this thread, this is tfp after all!
Oh yes, and this is what I feel is the key to fixing this - get new friends. Get some friends that are couples or maybe a bit chiller than her co-workers. You'll have people to socialize with and bonus if they turn into really deep friendships. Take the initiative and go make some friends, hang out with them, and invite her along.
It may sound a little passive-aggressive but it works. If she knows that you are having a great time with your friends - nice dinner, good discussion, fishing weekends, etc., inside jokes - she will get jealous that you are having fun without her and enjoying better company than she is.
It sounds like she's bored but it's a phase. People like their co-workers but they don't LOVE their co-workers. And if she needs to get blitzed to have a good time with them I'm guessing it'll get old pretty fast.