telekinetic

I sympathize, and it's terribly hard. I had a similar situation early in my engagement, and I nipped that shit in the bud immediately and completely. We were in premarital counselling at the time, and our counselor fully supported how I handled the situation, and my wife (though grumpy at the time) now approves of how I handled it.

Because my situation was different, it may not apply to yours, but in mine, I told her that her getting drunk with her old single friends (the girls of which were constantly just trying to get laid, and some of the guys she'd hooked up with or made out with on various occasions before we were together) without me had to end completely and immediately or the relationship couldn't continue. She wasn't single, and she needed to stop acting like she was, unless she wanted to be.

People are so afraid of "ultimatums," but in my mind, is perfectly healthy to set guidelines for what is and is not acceptable in a relationship, and enforce those. Her voluntarily and repeatedly putting in herself in a situation where she could (and had been in the past) be taken advantage of was unacceptable to me, and if she wanted to continue it, she was welcome to, but she was going to continue it without me.

If you are being straight with us (and I'm not trying to imply dishonesty, just saying if we are getting the whole story), then it sounds like your relationship is no longer more important in her life than her drinking.

If you have communicated with her and if she understands your feelings to the point where she is promising to change and failing to follow through, this needs to be taken care of immediately.

Not to be blunt, but getting drunk in bars and not coming home is for single people. I did that when I was in a previous relationship a couple times, and you know what? Every time I got drunk and didn't come home I was in someone else's bed.

Regardless of the lipservice she's paying you, what she's really saying is "I know you don't want me to put myself in a postion where it would be easy for me to be unfaithful, or where I could be taken advantage of, but having fun is more important than our marriage, I want to have fun, and am going to continue to do so."

I am not being judgemental, so just make sure that you can self evaluate and come to a conclusion different from the one you're presenting: If you have no common hobbies, no common interests, spend no time together, don't communicate, and have deterioriating mutual respect, you are in for a rough ride.

Good luck.