filtherton

There are at least a few folks here, and it seems like 50% of the people in other places i go where the subject comes up, who think that they somehow have incisive opinions on the subject of being a good parent. The fact that they believe this, in my opinion, is a reflection of the fact that they either, aren't a parent, or, are the kind of parent who tells you how fucked up your kid is going to be because you didn't breast feed them until they were 3.

Right now, i've got $65 billion that says that there is no such thing as a good parent. Not one of you smug, self righteous high horsers can define what it takes to properly raise a child.

What would a definition entail?

Well, you'd have to define what it even means to be a good parent. Good luck with this one. If you've spent any amount of time around more than one child you're already pretty well aware that there are a lot of different kinds of kids, all with different needs, different desires, different likes, dislikes, buttons, experiences, temperaments. It becomes clear that in defining what it means to be a good parent, one can't really focus on specific behaviors, aside from perhaps what a good parent does not do. A good parent doesn't punch their kid (though this one will be debatable depending on your values). A good parent doesn't do thing A or thing B.

That won't work either, because anyone who's a realist, and i think most people are at least somewhat inclined towards realism, knows that there are exceptions to every rule. So now all the items on the list i just hinted at become conditional statements, like "A good parent doesn't punch their kid unless A happens."

Nevermind that when there this list is endless and highly subjective once you get past the obvious choices. It is highly improbable that any two people will come up with the same list. There is no consensus, there never will be, because there can't be.

But ignore that, let's pretend that you've got this list, this highly specific outline of what it is not okay for parents to do. Great. Now make a list of all the things it is okay for a parent not to do. Now get rid of both of them, because kids don't care about lists like that, and in fact, no matter how large or comprehensive your lists are, you probably haven't taken into account the fact that kids are actually individuals, with unique problems with unique solutions. What is "good" parenting for that fucker over there is horribly irresponsible or abusive to that fucker's little brother.

What you will be left with, when you chop away all the stuff on your list, and deal with every little kid who won't stop talking on the plane, is nothing. Or maybe, like, three things if you're really stubborn. The general definition of a good parent you're left with is so vague as to be functionally nonexistent.

There is no such thing as a good parent. There are only differing degrees that exist in reference to the amount of emotional, social, and financial scarring that ensue between the child's birth and whenever they stop talking to you. Even then, if your child comes out relatively unscathed, the fact that they came out relatively unscathed says absolutely nothing definitively about your skills as a parent. Nothing at all. All it says is that you didn't fuck things up, or if you did, other circumstances existed that canceled your fucking up of things out.

Trent dilfer has a superbowl ring. It's just like that.

So, the next time you feel like you have something compelling to say concerning the abilities of other people to raise their children, remember that they're probably doing the best they can, and that even if they weren't, you most likely don't actually know enough about their particular situation to talk about the color of their drapes, much less the quality of their child raising abilities, and even if you did, you don't have a fucking clue what it means to be a good parent in any kind of meaningful sense of the word.