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Originally Posted by ShaniFaye
and what if its a decision that cant be helped? Suppose Dave lost his dick in some freak flogging accident (yes I was making a joke....feel free to insert whatever horrible accident that could happen and leave him unable to perform) should I divorce him because there is no sex and we'd be at a friendship stage?
I think not
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If he refused to even talk about your sexual needs after, yes. Normally its more of a chemical castration so to speak as sex is all chemical, but its not the lack of desire/ability which is the problem but the lack of carying on the part of the other spouse. The "I don't want it so you won't get any" is the real problem I see.
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I have been known to engage in activities even when I didnt feel like it to make HIM feel good, but the difference is he doesnt expect me to do that. If I say "no" he knows its not going to happen. BUT 7 times out of 10 I usually offer a bj if I myself am not in the "mood" to be taken to heights of glorious passion (isnt it sad how there ARE actually times we dont want that lol). The conversation will usually go something like
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Which is the problem again in the sexless marriage. Dave never is forced to get to that stage where someone just says enough is enough. I've never been there either, but my guess is a lot of us know people who are.
You guys worry if the other one is happy sexually so its not an issue for you. There is nothing wrong with not wanting it any given day, but when days turn to years and the other spouse doesn't seem to care, then I can understand thinking of things like divorce.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
In my experience, sex issues are usually the first reflection of deeper issues in the relationship. When something's going on that needs figuring out, it often shows up in sex first.
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I'd say in most cases this is indeed correct, and in part why I favor divorce after a point has been reached. I lean towards the divorce end because when I have seen this, everyone is always miserable until they get the divorce. So while I think its best to work out the issues where there is room for it, sometimes its best to pull the plug.