Hey Merlocke, I hear where you're coming from. For me, I had to really think about why i was behaving in such a way, when logic dictates that everything is fine. Hope my story helps in any way. Long post, bear with me.
I've been with my gf for almost 2 years, it's my 2nd serious relationship. Everything's going great, til she starts acting nervous when I'm walking around her as she's on her pc. I'm thinking it's odd behavior, but try not to think of it. As she goes to shower, my curiosity gets the better of me as glance at the screen and catch her IM conversation with her friend. I read a bit, she's just looking for a present for my birthday. Big sigh of relief, right? But I keep scrolling, cuz I'm a horrible person, and she had also been talking about a guy that goes to the same university as us. Deal with him is that they used to talk, but stopped, and now he acts weird whenever I'm in the room. Apparently they had some feelings, but never came to fruition. Her friend wants to know whats going on, etc. So now they're talking again, and it scares me.
I confront her about it, she gets angry about me reading her conversation (rightly so, I may add), and my emotions take over my logic. She says nothing is happening, but my emotions tell me she's lying. I press the issue, as she tries to figure out what issue there really is. The night ends with lots of anger and confusion.
We call each other later, as I've managed to calm and humble myself down. She explains that they're friends and that's it. I talk about my insecurity. Should be the end of it.
But the next couple of days, I'm restless. I want to badly damage this guy. My hands visibly shake at work. I'm a wreck. It's not until I vent to my friends and online that things start to make sense.
My first serious relationship ended quite crappily. I had long suspected her of seeing someone behind my back, and it turned out to be true. She never told me face to face, but things have a natural way of revealing themselves (myspaces, etc).
This was my problem. I never truly came to terms with that first relationship. I tried to move on by forgetting about it as quick as I could. That worked for my logical side, but my emotions stayed attached. So while I got angry at my current gf, I was really getting angry at my ex, that relationship, that point of time in my life. Pints with the boys and time with my TFers was all the therapy I needed.
Putting your thoughts to words, and then publishing them for everyone and anyone to see is scary, but ultimately very therapeutic. I'm hoping you receive some comfort from the words of total strangers.
