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I am very sorry to hear your story. It hits very close to home for me.
My mother was 34 years old and 8 months pregnant with me when her husband (my father) died suddenly. That was 28 years ago, and while she did meet my stepfather and have a relationship with him for 17 years (beginning less than a year after my father died), I don't think she ever got over my real father. I wish she had, because in her rush to move on, she did not heal properly and has always carried that wound... which prevented her from truly enjoying what life had to offer.
28 years ago, grieving and therapy and all the tools we have now were not available to her. She just stuffed the pain down so she could raise me, and met a man who "resembled my father" as soon as possible, you might say. I love my stepfather, but my mom could never stop comparing him to my dead father, and finding too many faults. She saw my father as the "perfect" man, and because of that, was never able to trust or truly love someone on the same way... which is the real tragedy of her life.
I honestly think that if she had taken the time to grieve well, give herself time and space to heal, and *then* move on... she might have enjoyed the last half of her life much more. Instead, she has been plagued by anxiety, depression, and medication through much of that time. She has never learned to let go... she just forced herself to pretend she had, which only backfired over time.
Everyone is different, but I don't see any harm in *taking the time* to heal and not rush into anything until you feel truly ready to love again. Have you been to grief counseling?
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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