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soundmotor · 08-13-2007, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlocke

I'll start it off with a simpsons reference - because strangely enough, this episode played during a time when I felt like my wife was having an emotional affair with someone else. If you don't watch simpsons, just skip this part.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mommie_Beerest

Nothing sexual about it, just that she seems to connect with and be happier with people other than myself. So I wonder - is it better to simply set her free, and part ways so that both of us end up happier in the long run? I love her enough to let her go. I want her to be happy, but I'd like to have happy times in my life as well.

-=-

I think I've got some jealousy issues that I really have to work out. My wife and I have been together since we were 15/16 (we're now in late 20's) and I've always had a jealous streak to me I suppose. It's just that I never really act on it, and just kind of hold it inside and act passive-aggressive until it builds to the point where I blow up. Then I go and pull something stupid and out of character (eg: Silent Treatment) and things go from bad to worse. Since I've only really been in one long term relationship - I don't get many different views of the world, so I'm wondering if people can shed some light on how to deal with jealousy.

A friend of ours is teaching us a new skill - motorcycles. Unfortunately this meant that back when we didn't have our own bikes, she would have to ride with him to the learning destination and therefore share a bike. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I feel uncomfortable when she has to hug someone else.

Another time, we were drinking together in a restaurant, and she gets very "huggy" when buzzed. Started putting her head on other people's shoulders, again making me uncomfortable.

I've spoken with my wife about these things, so she's definitely trying to stop doing anything that would hurt our relationship, but I wonder if there's anything I can do on my end to stop feeling the way that I do.

The logic in my head says that it makes sense the way that she's acting, but the emotional, and I suppose irrational side feels abandoned and wants to break away to stop the pain permanently. I know I've since put up barriers to lessen the pain, but it's also putting a strain on the relationship since I know that I feel farther away now.

I know there's a saying that you only ask for advice when you already know the answer, and you just don't like it - but I'm really strapped for ideas on what else I can do from my end - other than just "sucking it up" and dealing with it. Apparently I just bottle it up until it overflows and go crazy.

-=-

Not to complicate this thread even further, but when you're with your significant other, no matter how bad your day has been, do you at least try your best to be pleasant, and not grumpy to the point where you dampen and sour your partner's mood as well? I don't mean keep it all inside, but I mean, don't just unleash and beat up your partner for things that frustrate you that have nothing to do with them.

/end rant.

[edited - I tried to use that hide feature, but apparently my brain has stopped working for the night]

I cannot figure out why you would attach such significance to these non-events? She rode on someone else's motorcycle; so what? She got buzzed & put her head on someone else's shoulder; so what? Look at them for what they are rather than attach something else to them. You have been with or around her for nearly 15 years. That of itself should be a thunderbolt telling you where her loyalties are and, most importantly, that she is willing to deal with your petty & immature behaviour.....and come back for more. Your last paragraph nails it too. "and not grumpy to the point where you dampen and sour your partner's mood as well?" Do you think you are the only one that has a bad day? If you want your relationship to last, and I think you do, it is time to grow up and realize that it takes two. Your marriage is an e-q-u-a-l partnership not you tirading to her about how she makes you feel.

Midnight's comments are spot on too. If I can extend them a bit further, because of your own chosen behaviour, you could be poisoning your relationship and potentially damaging it over time. Relationships need care so they strengthen and become like iron over the years. What they don't need is one of the partners dwelling on the insignificant on a regular basis. You might also find she is connecting far better with you if you are truly there for her.