Let me start off by saying that I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible - lol!
I am currently seeing a co-worker of mine and we have been presented with a few obstacles in our relationship that are becoming increasingly difficult to deal with (at least from my end). I'll give a brief rundown of how things have progressed between us:
When we first started seeing each other, it was casual (we were just going for lunch dates, getting to know one another, etc - we had been friends to begin with so it was implied that things were being taken to the next level but it wasn't rushed into) yet we also both wanted to keep it on the DL for a few reasons. 1 - we weren't ready for people at work in general to know and 2 - he has a few close friends at work that are female that have definite jealous sides and he wasn't quite yet prepared to deal with that. Plus it was still new and we didn't want to have to cross those bridges until we knew how we felt about one another.
After we had been seeing each other for a bit (and after we slept together) it became quite apparent to both of us that we were falling for one another (both of us admitted that we hadn't felt this way in a long time and that we cared very deeply for the other person). This took us both by surprise because it hadn't been that long yet (we're talking about a month here) but it just felt right...
I am a naturally open person and am close with a bunch of people at work (I would consider a few of them to be among my closest friends) and so of course I wanted to share with them this recent happiness in my life - though I did ask them to use discretion as it wasn't common knowledge yet.
Inevitably the news got out that we were seeing each other and shit hit the fan so to speak. One girl in particular who works closely with 'Matt' (we'll call him Matt) went postal on him when she found out.
*Explanation* She is one of the three girls mentioned in the outset who have distinct jealous sides. I don't know if she was so upset because she didn't hear about it from him personally or because she's jealous (not in the sense that she would want to be with him herself, just in the sense that he is her close male friend and it pangs her to see him close with another woman). He hasn't been in a serious relationship for about a year and a half and he was in the midst of that relationship when he started working at this company and became friends with these girls.
And the other two girls were quite unhappy at the news too - one in particular has had feelings for him for quite a while but will never act on them (for a few reasons - too long to explain) and plus when Matt became aware of them, he explained that he loved her dearly, but as a sister and nothing more. I think the other two were also upset on the third's girls behalf because they are all very close friends.
We didn't face any repercussions from our employer because our jobs don't intersect at all within the company and our head of HR basically told us that we're allowed to date (as we found out when Matt had a sit-down with her when it all came out) so that's not the problem.
The problem lies mainly with these three women because as part of damage control after everything turned south, Matt told me that he wanted to give everyone the impression that we were no longer seeing each other (when of course we still were). I know that he is trying to please everyone and keep the peace (he wasn't prepared for the amount of hostility these girls gave him when they found out) and he did say that that is the way things would have to be
for now, but then he also said he couldn't promise me a relationship in the future....
I think he fears that these obstacles will never go away and I don't know if he knows how to deal with them....
Now of course, needless to say - I am faced with quite the dilemma - I have clearly fallen for this guy (and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way) yet I can't speak to any of my friends about it (in fact, I've had to lie to them and tell them that we weren't seeing each other anymore - so as to avoid anyone else finding out). The only obstacle standing in our way are his friends (and we're talking only about these three girls, not all his friends - I've met his brother and a few of his guy friends and as far as I'm concerned, they all approve) and frankly the issue lies strictly with them and their fucked up jealousy. If you ask me, I think they're all acting extremely childish and immature. If your friend is happy in a relationship, shouldn't you be a good friend and just be happy for them?
*Explanation* I should point out that these girls were completely polite and nice to me before they found out that I was seeing their friend. They are quite a bit cliquey at work and refuse to allow anyone in their group. I'm not a horrible person, so I don't think they are validated in feeling so hostile towards me nor for being so disapproving of our relationship
So I'm faced with the issue of where to go from here - because the more time I spend with Matt, the more its becoming painfully obvious that I cannot put up with this arrangement for much longer. Yet I don't want to be just another female in his life who puts pressure on him (as these other girls are doing). But I feel I have a right to speak up about my own happiness....
I'm almost certain that if they were to just back off and be happy for him, that we would take the next step of officially becoming a couple (and not have to hide it, etc - obviously things would be kept professional while at work, but you know what I mean...).
When I'm with him, we're both just so invested in the relationship - and its hard for me to just turn that off when we're around other people! - and I really don't think he could be fabricating these feelings and emotions.
So do I speak with him honestly and say how I feel and say that I'd like to be a true couple in every sense of the word but that I can't remain as we are any longer, and until he and his friends can work out this situation, then I'm going to have to step back from this relationship? Because the more and more time I spend with him, the more I fall for him and if things don't change, I feel as though I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak....
At the end of the day - what would you do in this situation?
P.S - sorry for the long post - I just wanted to explain myself as clearly as possible so you all would be able to make educated responses
Oh and thanks in advance for any replies - as you can see, I'm limited in who I can talk to about this and any input at all will be hugely appreciated!!!