Critique. I promise I'll be nicer to you than I am to my interns
Good storytelling. I'm a big fan of stories that have no narration. Your story had a clear beginning, middle, and end. This is something that shooters that have been in news for years often have trouble with.
I'm pleased to see you using sequences. This again is something many photographers have problems with, but you've got the idea. That's great.
Some stuff needs work though. First off, you need a tripod. Nothing will distract from your story faster than shaky video.
You have issues with screen direction. Look at your first 2 shots. The plate should slide in from the right in the second shot because it was moving right to left in the first shot. Breaking screen direction can be confusing.
You need a hairlight. Your subjects aren't separated from the background enough. Get a light above and behind them, shining down on them - -it'll create a slight outline of light that will pop them out from the backdrop.
Watch some of your shots. There's a medium shot close to the end of the girl in grandpa's lap pouring ketchup. The top half of her face is cut off, and so is the bottom (well .. top since it's upside down
) half of the bottle - -in other words, we don't have anything to look at.
Build up the ketchup-won't-come-out a little more. Get a tight shot up the bottle neck with the ketchup stubbornly refusing to come out. Have the girl frown or look slightly upset that the ketchup won't come out (tight shot of her sad face). That way Grandpa is making everything better.
Give us a shot at the end of the girl's joyful face as she hugs grandpa.
Watch your jumpcuts. Your action isn't matching from shot to shot.
The music is good, and it's timed perfectly with the big swell coming as the ketchup comes out.
That's the short version of the critique. I just spent an hour today critiquing 10 shots an intern did, so don't feel bad that I had so much to say about what could have been done. I think your work is good and shows real promise. I wasn't kidding when I said you've already gotten down concepts that many pros still don't get.
The biggest problem I had with it was the lack of steady video - -the rest was pretty minor stuff. Get the tripod and the vid quality will go up 300%.