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Originally Posted by ngdawg
First you need to cease putting women in a slut/virginal comparison mode and look at them as potential friends before any dialog can start. Learn what gets their contentment outside anything sexual before delving into the sexual. Listen, listen, listen to them. And when all else fails, listen to them.
Put yourself in their shoes....what if you were turned away simply because you'd had more than one partner or three? Does that make you any less than who you are, really? If anything, what you've done makes you who you are, good, bad or in-between and it's no different for women.
Once you've established rapport and gained trust as a true friend and not some survey-taker, then the more intimate chats can happen, more or less what's been brought up here-the differences between making love, having sex and fucking, what's most important, etc.
In short, relax, talk, listen and let go of your presumptuous ways.
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Hmm.. I think you've hit the nail on the head. I *am* in effect putting them into some kind of slut / light slut / virginal comparison mode, and as someone else pointed out later, probably because I am equating the # of sexual partners with morals. Which I realize, *could* be very wrong.
However, if someone has had too many sexual partners, I still find that troubling, because how can they truly care for you (love you deeply) if they've "loved" 6/10/20 people before you?!
I do agree. I need to stop being a survey taker, find out what floats their boats before anything sexual, and really talk. Thanks for the pointers.
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Originally Posted by Crompsin
Ngdawg is patient and wise. (bows)
Women aren't receptacles or appliances or things you can own. Their number of sexual partners is completely irrelevant.
Talk to them like they're human, not pieces of meat. If things happen, things happen.
DO NOT posture yourself like a bear trap. Chicks don't like bear traps... because... well, humans don't like bear traps.
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Hmm.. I guess by being so critical of how many sexual partners my future SO's can have, I am in effect demonstrating possessiveness of some sort. Thanks for pointing that out.. need to change/fix that..
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Originally Posted by mandy
some of them were grave mistakes, but i've learned from them and others were because i thought i was inlove and i thought that they in turn were inlove with me and some of them were just fun... and by the sound if this sentence, it really looks as though i really got around hey  |
yes, i can understand that sometimes we all make mistakes, and we might think we are really in love with someone but later on find out it that it just wont work or that it was just puppy love etc.. so i guess that is true..
and nah, my parents arent bible thumpers, they arent religious, and i am not either. i am more atheist if anything..
and i try really not to have a double standard for men and women.. what i said about women, i try to apply to myself.. i am thinking to have only a few relationshisp involving sex before i get married.. lol