mixedmedia

Of course, you do realize that a girl could have had less than 4-5 partners (or even 2-3!) and still be an animal in bed. Your notions about women are extremely naive.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

ngdawg

Why are you making assumptions about someone you don't know? Again?
Agreed. And, she could have ten and still be the best thing that's ever happened to you.
I think you need to find some female friends and start some dialogues-you have much to learn, Grasshopper, before you can snatch the pebble.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

match000

I agree, I do have much to learn.

Suggestions on what kind of dialogues to start, and what direction I should learn in?

ngdawg

First you need to cease putting women in a slut/virginal comparison mode and look at them as potential friends before any dialog can start. Learn what gets their contentment outside anything sexual before delving into the sexual. Listen, listen, listen to them. And when all else fails, listen to them.
Put yourself in their shoes....what if you were turned away simply because you'd had more than one partner or three? Does that make you any less than who you are, really? If anything, what you've done makes you who you are, good, bad or in-between and it's no different for women.
Once you've established rapport and gained trust as a true friend and not some survey-taker, then the more intimate chats can happen, more or less what's been brought up here-the differences between making love, having sex and fucking, what's most important, etc.
In short, relax, talk, listen and let go of your presumptuous ways.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Plan9

Ngdawg is patient and wise. (bows)

Women aren't receptacles or appliances or things you can own. Their number of sexual partners is completely irrelevant.

Talk to them like they're human, not pieces of meat. If things happen, things happen.

DO NOT posture yourself like a bear trap. Chicks don't like bear traps... because... well, humans don't like bear traps.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

analog

My first real girlfriend was a virgin before I got to her. Once we started having sex, she was a total sex slut, though obviously just for me. A healthy, even ravenous sexual appetite and number of partners don't necessarily have anything to do with each other. That's a really bad assumption to make. When you love someone, it can set off all kinds of crazy sexual behavior you'd never even consider with a casual boyfriend/girlfriend.

Seaver

You opened the door, so here it is. My grandpa had a phrase for these situations, "You know too much and understand way too little."

You have some knowledge on how to give a girl an orgasm, but fail to understand the raw unbridled passion that women desire. The uncontrollable urges that are caused by being completely devoted to that one peson and letting him/her completely take you, or you take him/her (it always works both ways).

Passion creates more and better orgasms than any angles or positions you can read anywhere. Fucking is that raw, powerful, animalistic passion that we ALL crave sometimes.

Read the forum rules, this is borderline in my opinion.

As for the number of partners, I'm assuming you're in high school. In my experience no one cares how many partners anyone has had (after passing an STD test) outside of HS.

If you're not still in HS why does it bother you? If you met the sweetest, most intelligent, beautiful person in the world (std free of course), why would it bother you if she slept with more than 5 guys? As long as they are in her past why would you care?

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

mixedmedia

I suspect, perhaps, maybe...and I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way possible...you have (perhaps unconsciously) equated sex with "bad."

I don't think it's uncommon...just not so common around these parts.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

MrFriendly

Hehe, ngdawg, after those comments I shall now only refer to you as "ngdawg the Wise".

I have to agree with the comment about making female friends to try and understand that their sexual appetite does not change who they are or ultimately how you feel about them.

The reason I agree with this is because the only reason I have any confidence around women at all is because of the close female friends I've made over the years. A couple of these friends love to fuck, pure an simple, and hey, it's their lives and their choice. The basic fact is I don't think it makes them slutty or takes anything away from their strength of character, in my eyes they're still wonderful people to hang around with and are always there for me.

Match, this comment was made in another thread, by Crompsin I believe, but you need to stop putting women on a pedestal. The huge amount of similarities between women and men are actually quite intriguing and also comforting, at the end of the day man, we're all human.

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You are not a slave

Menoman

parents bible thumpers perhaps?

I don't know where you got the idea the amount of sexual partners is a direct correlation to promescuity. It may be true in some cases but for the majority its very wrong.

Is it a double standard maybe? What if a guy has 4-5 partners? Is he a 'slut' or whatever you'd want to call a guy?

Ngdawgs pretty much on the head, you should think about how you view women, after awhile I think you'll feel like the outlook you have now is a tad closed-minded.

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mandy

well, firstly, i'm not offended and i understand you reaction. I am however kind of disappointed in your assumption. albeit true and i would never ever deny that. i have had quite a few sexual partners and i attribute that to my healthy sexual appetite

Healer knows about all of them. I am STD free.

the point here is though, that he doesn't care. and he loves me for the person that i am and the person that i am did not change because of the amount of sexual partners i've had. what it did do in fact was make me wiser than what i was. I am no less who i am because of them, in fact, i might be a better person because of it.

some of them were grave mistakes, but i've learned from them and others were because i thought i was inlove and i thought that they in turn were inlove with me and some of them were just fun... and by the sound if this sentence, it really looks as though i really got around hey

What matters is not that you slept with 5 men or 4 men or 10 men or even 1 man, what matters is that after you do you are still the same person you were before you slept with them.

I love sex and i love being FUCKED what's the big deal?

oh wise and smart ng

you would do very well to listen and take in all the advice you're getting from our fellow Tfp'ers. because i think you'll get great insight from them and you'll learn so much more.

I have

good luck

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The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

abaya

That, right there, is all that really matters. I feel the exact same way, regardless of how many/how few partners I have had. Sex is GREAT, and I love getting the shit fucked out of me on a regular basis. The only time when we have to be gentle is during my period, because my cervix gets so sensitive... and I hate having to be gentle during sex. I just love the feeling of getting banged hard (and no, I usually do not have orgasms during vaginal sex, but I still love it).

Match has a lot to learn, as he said himself... the main thing is for him to not have a double standard for men and women's sex lives, or to believe that many sexual partners = loose morals, etc. Drop your assumptions, man... and start listening up around here.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

match000

Hmm.. I think you've hit the nail on the head. I *am* in effect putting them into some kind of slut / light slut / virginal comparison mode, and as someone else pointed out later, probably because I am equating the # of sexual partners with morals. Which I realize, *could* be very wrong.

However, if someone has had too many sexual partners, I still find that troubling, because how can they truly care for you (love you deeply) if they've "loved" 6/10/20 people before you?!

I do agree. I need to stop being a survey taker, find out what floats their boats before anything sexual, and really talk. Thanks for the pointers.

Hmm.. I guess by being so critical of how many sexual partners my future SO's can have, I am in effect demonstrating possessiveness of some sort. Thanks for pointing that out.. need to change/fix that..

yes, i can understand that sometimes we all make mistakes, and we might think we are really in love with someone but later on find out it that it just wont work or that it was just puppy love etc.. so i guess that is true..


and nah, my parents arent bible thumpers, they arent religious, and i am not either. i am more atheist if anything..

and i try really not to have a double standard for men and women.. what i said about women, i try to apply to myself.. i am thinking to have only a few relationshisp involving sex before i get married.. lol