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Originally Posted by Strange Famous
yes - I appreciate that would be the case; not only do you suffer the case, but also suffer people taking it as a kind of joke afterwards.
but - at the same time, I do think there are unique aspects of a male abusing a female as well (especially - and without meaning to be sexist - I think it would be very uncommon in a male/female partnership that the female is stronger and more aggressive than the male [even in cases when the female is violent and abusive])
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I know what you mean. This is a double-edged sword, though. I'm sure that more men abuse women, and more seriously, than is done vise-versa, yet men who are abused by women have a hard time as victims. But when it comes to emotional abuse, female abusers, for the lack of a better term, have a "level playing field."
I agree that male-on-female abuse has unique circumstances, but doesn't severe female-on-male abuse? Seriously, put yourself in my position and consider seeking out help. Do you think I've spoken to my "traditionally minded" family about this? (To whom I was alienated from to a degree as a result of the relationship.) And I don't have any close friends to confide in. (Again, as result of the relationship.) And I feel too scarred (maybe even scared) to have it in me to even bring it up with my fiancee. (A psychological result of the abuse.)
I try not to think of it because it drives me insane. I can't afford psychotherapy and I refuse to take anything that changes my brain chemistry.
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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
This is spot on. I went through this, too.
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We really should talk.
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Originally Posted by Adri
I suspect that I'm being emotionally abused. With that said, since you've been through it, may I ask the following:
1. How do you know that what you experienced was actually emotional abuse and not just a slightly bitchy woman?
2. Where is the line between someone with a bad temper and someone who's actually abusive (maybe same as Question 1)
3. What did you eventually do to get out of it?
4. What if it really is me? I've changed the kind of person I am over the years we've been together, and it was such a gradual process that I barely noticed it until an old friend mentioned the other day that I'm *really* a lot of fun when my husband isn't around, but I'm quiet as a mouse when he is.
I realized I'm so quiet around him because I don't want him to embarrass me in front of others by telling me that whatever I said was wrong or that I should hush/say something else/go somewhere else/do something else. Does this make me abused, or has he simply opened my eyes to how annoying I am, so now I know when to keep my mouth shut? 
No, but really. He's never hit me, although he has physically restrained me a time or two, and I know he was a total bully as a teenager (before we met). I don't foresee physical abuse, but ... |
I don't want to read too much into the few details you've offered, but I will say this:
- There is a difference between "bitchy" and doing things like constantly tearing one down, isolating one from their family and friends, purposely and invariably using guilt to get what they want, etc. (Believe me, the list goes on.)
- Bad temper is one thing, constantly being the primary target of it is another.
- The relationship self-destructed, as I mentioned in a post above. It was a combination of factors, but I think it was mainly my going to university to get a another post-secondary degree, while she couldn't finish a general education community college program and was unhappy working at a video store. I think she felt threatened by that and she ended up leaving me for someone else. (This is yet another factor that adds to my turmoil: she's the one that left.)
- The way you are acting around your husband is similar to how I used to act around my wife. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but from what you say, it doesn't sound like it's you.
That said, it sounds like it might be emotional abuse, but there isn't enough to go on here. You really should do some research and find a list of signs that would indicate this form of abuse, preferably from a reputable source. It might become all too obvious after that. It blew me away. I didn't know I was emotionally abused until a few weeks after the relationship ended. Over seven years of it.
I don't want you to rush out and make a mistake you will regret, but at the same time, if you really are being emotionally abused, you really need to do something about it. If it is anywhere near as severe as my case, the sooner the better. It's been over five years since it ended and I'm still feeling the aftershocks.
I hope it isn't as bad as it could be. Maybe you guys just need to work out some issues. I wish you the best.
(Feel free to PM me if you wish.)