Power.
"Loss of control" during the "heat of the moment" just means they had a greater desire for power than restraint. You can chalk up single, unrepeated incidents as temporary loss of control, but anything more than that is not a loss of control, it's a lack of control caused by a desire for power.
When someone reaches out to harm another in the heat of an argument, it's to exert the ultimate form of power- violence (physical threat, etc). This is not a loss of control, it's the person suddenly deciding that the only way they will get to exert their power over the other is to threaten or harm them.
One single time- people can snap, shit happens, etc.
Anything more than one single time, ever- this person desires power over you, and will use force during an argument to shift the power back in their direction.
Simple as that.
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