Hyacinthe

I didn't mean to imply that I thought you or anyone on these forums was the type of person I was talking about Crompsin, was more directed towards people I have known irl who have given up hope of being able to trust and have embraced not having to feel anymore. Sometimes I wish I could be untouchable the way you guys / girls describe I tend to react the opposite way, martyr complex ftl.

Instead of getting angry when someone treats me badly I tend to assume they're not doing it on purpose that they probably don't really understand that they hurt me. This tends to make me a magnet for people wanting to get over an ex who cheated or something and who are themselves hurting and more likely to loose their temper and hurt others (me).

For example I had an ex who took over $2000 of mine (I bought a new computer and since he worked for the company I gave it to him to pass along) and left the state a week before my birthday and didn't say a word to me - didn't tell me he wanted to end things, still called me by endearments when I phoned him on his mobile etc etc. He rang me up 3 weeks ago and asked me to forgive him, did so without a second thought. I'm not silly enough to get into a relationship with him again I mean yes I forgave him and I'm not mad at him but that doesn't mean he didn't hurt me.

Sometimes I don't think I have managed that, to come through in one piece and be stronger for it. I think everytime I get hurt whether it be by a friend, a lover, anyone it breaks me a little inside. Instead of making me harder it makes me softer more sensitive to myself and everyone else I interact with. Rather then being able to shrug off someone elses feelings I feel even worse if I get an inkling I might have hurt them.

Guess I am still stuck in that second relationship stage, maybe even the first, trying desperately to make things work every single time. Everytime things go south even when i know it wasn't my fault I get hurt all over again just as badly as I was when my first relationship ended.

I could almost envy you all that untouchable feeling.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."