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I'm a woman and I honestly have more porn then most of my male friends. Porn can be very cold and clinical it's true but every now and then you find one that has a moment of tenderness. One of my favourites is a girl giving a blowjob and the guy she's pleasuring reaches down and gently brushes her hair out of her eyes, that moment of affection between the two is what makes it for me.
Sometimes masturbation can be just about the release of some tension, a quick climax. When I'm studying for university exams I know a night doesn't go by when I don't bring myself to orgasm without my partner, because otherwise I'll never sleep I am so stressed out. At the same time he understands that when I am that stressed I don't want sex because the entire time I am with him I will be feeling guilty. Something in my head will be saying "I should be reading over my psychology book or studying microbiology and aesepsis". Or maybe he's busy / not in the mood.
In the same way if he wants to get off and I'm busy or not in the mood I am not going to object when he takes matters into his own hands. He's not rejecting me or refusing me sex he's taking care of his own sexual needs.
Personally I would rather be with a guy that's willing to do that after I've said no then one who's going to spend the next hour trying to convince me to go jump into bed while I'm on a roll with an essay. Though my current bf has figured out if he waits I try my hardest to make the wait worth it after I finish.
As for you Tinydancer - I've been in your situation and gods does it ever hurt. It does begin to make you feel undesirable as much as you tell yourself that it shouldn't. My advice is talk to him and tell him how he's making you feel, it might help or it might not but realy not much else you could do.
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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"
"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."
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