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Don't argue with them. It just validates their belief that they have a right to talk to you like that.
Ignore them. Flat-out ignore it when they say things. Don't even give them the satisfaction of a response. This will really piss them off, but it will send a message 10 times more clear than using the actual words, "I don't care."
When it comes down to it, we don't pick our family, but we do pick our significant other. If it came down to it, and you stayed together for many years and wanted to get married, would you actually leave her at the bidding of your family? I would think not.
Family is not always right or justified just because they're family.
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