I have a problem with self image.
I hold very high standards for how I feel I should look and be looked upon.
Going to the gym is a regular habit I try to make myself do. Well since James has been home I haven't been and I've noticed a change in myself and I honestly hate it (maybe 10 pound weight gain).
To the point of where I can't even watch Black Snake Moan without getting upset and not wanting to watch it anymore because Christina Ricci is so toned and in shape.
Any thoughts as to why this happens?
I'm in pretty good shape but for some reason when I deviate I can't help but be totally disgusted and bothered by this.
How do I deal with it?
I want my body to be toned and in shape and when it's not I feel like everything is not ok and just want to do nothing but work my ass off until I'm back to being in my ideal state before.
Reading this makes me feel very vain but I don't know what else to do.
It's affecting my life for the worst and it needs to stop.
I work as a swim instructor teaching lessons so my uniform for work is a bathing suit...so again the self consciousness comes in again. I feel as though I need to be in shape and set a good example for my kids as well as myself.
James doesn't like to go to the gym with me, he'd prefer to run. Since I'm not the best runner, I don't care for running much...and he doesn't care for the gym. So it's hard to get him to go...as well as frustrating at times.
I've waited so long for him to be back and now that he is I couldn't be happier but then now since I've stopped going...I'm unhappy with myself.
*SIGH*
I need to get back into my habit of going everyday like I did last month...but him being here makes it hard because I don't want to be apart anymore then we have to be.
Help please.
-GG