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I don't know if I am just too idealistic in my expectations of love.
It's not that I don't think love is hard work, that people don't make mistakes and so on and so fourth. I just feel like it is tainted somewhat now.
We had this lovely meal the other night and I really enjoyed myself, but there's still some part of me thinking 'Is he looking at that prettier girl?', 'Am I wasting my life? He's never going to marry me' etc etc. I'm starting to cry thinking about it.
I just feel like to me he is everything, but even though he says that to me now, and is acting that way, I don't feel it. I don't feel like I am safe, I don't feel like I can trust him and I worry that maybe it was all because there was a prettier girl out there and I am just something to rely on; a sweet, nice person who is maybe too naive.
On the one hand, we could now be moving into the good part and I think we probably are, but there's a crack in my heart that doesn't seem to heal that easily and even though I love him with every bone in my body, the coward in me just wants to run away sometimes because at least then I would be in control.
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