bluestars87

Hola. Right so, for the record I'm 19. It's been two years since I've graduated high school. During my tenure there I was a slacker. I'll be honest with you. But I did graduate and walked and got my diploma. So that was nice. I just finished my second year of college at Academy of Art University in San Francisco. That's been okay. My GPA is decent and I'm in good standing. Although I have been having some personal issues with achieving my goals there that I won't go into. Since this isn't what the thread is about.

Instead, I'll talk about another personal issue. Now I'm really against talking about my own matters with...anyone. Whether it be it strangers or friends, I have this weird feeling that I'm burdening my own affairs on someone else, when I'm sure they have their own things to take care of. Now I don't mind listening to others and letting themselves vent, but me personally, it's just not my style most of the time. But at this moment...I'll share. Perhaps I'm just desperate for an answer to my situation, and maybe seeking advice from others might help.

Okay, so like I said, I'm 19. And well, I've never really had any serious relationship with any one girl during my entire...well...life. I don't think it was ever a case of me not being attractive or anything. I think I would know that. It was...something else. I'm not sure. Maybe it was the ethnicity I usually chased. I had three big crushes in high school, and they all happened to be Asian for some reason. They were usually the good looking nerdy type in some fashion or another. Guess you can say I'm more of a soft seeker in terms of women's persona. If that makes sense.

Anyways, I just came back from my former high school's graduation. Class of 2007. I'm class of 2005. When I was a senior, I met this one girl who in essence, became one of my best friends. Tina is her name. I was there to support her tonight as she got her own diploma. Heh, and if you're wondering, yes she's Asian. One of the best people you'll ever meet. The first time I spoke with her and met her, the charm...was just so uncommon. Not shy at all, quick to agree, smart, pretty, just a really good person, with a good heart. If you haven't figured it out by now, Tina was a sophomore while I was senior. She helped me at times get through a couple of personal epidemics I was pondering about during these three years I've known her. Just through conversation. Sometimes limited, other times passionate and innovative. Again, it's not my nature to share a lot with others about my own stories, but...I'd be lying if I said I didn't make a few exceptions in the past. It wasn't until recently though, maybe last year not quite sure, that I thought "more" of her. I kept having two sides with my conscience that was debating the aspect of trying to capture this individuals' heart and be more than..."friends". We had a conversation one time. It was very in depth. It was at a Carl's Jr. one night. Now while I didn't outright say "I think I really like you and maybe we could experiment being something more", I kind of eluded to it by saying "I have something really important to tell you Tina". And what I really liked about her, was that she didn't play games. Her response was "Yeah, I think I know what you want to say". But that is as far as it got. We started talking about other things. She also mentioned a close friend, a guy, that's she's known for a while that has helped her out and been there for her. Could have been just me, but at that moment in time...that was the signal to stop myself and just let things be as they were. I was afraid I might ruin something special in terms of the friendship we have.

So now, I come home after the ceremony that occurred tonight. I was so damn happy for her. She's been through a lot too in terms of family and life situations, so it was nice to see her graduate. But as I was talking with her after she threw her tassel and I found her...I was thinking "Man, this might be the last time I see her...for a while, or ever again". Now she's going to a religious university in Southern California. Which is cool. I mean she's really got in touch with that side of her the past year or so. And she'll be close to her sister who goes to Irvine. I on the other hand will still be attending my college in San Francisco. Commuting to it I should say. Funny how we were living down the street this whole time, and now she's gone. I kept thinking as I went to the gym tonight, "Let her go, just let her go". But for some dumb reason, I just feel like I'm losing someone so special, and I know our friendship could have been so much stronger if only I knew her before I was a senior. One more year (when I was a junior) would have been fine. But I guess this is life. And I feel like the ultimate decision will be having to move on. Honestly though, I'm very...sad right now. Heh, boo-hoo right? Please, any advice from you guys would be very helpful. Thanks.

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"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
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