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Originally Posted by Shauk
my secret is to just stop putting women on a pedestal. I used to respect women just for the fact that they were women but I found often times that it was undeserved. You, 1st of all, as cold as this sounds, can and will have the ability to take care of yourself and your needs, be a little selfish. Find a cute girl to chat up but dont make the mistake of trusting or respecting her to start, that shit needs to be earned.
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This is one of my favorite replies. It's blunt and so very true. My SO and I had this dicussion and people of the opposite sex can be very intimidating and there are so many cultural somethings-I-can't-think-of-the-word-for so I'll use "sterotypes"... men are "strong" and "powerful", women are "cunning" and "emotional". Everyone has to earn their respect and trust IMO. You don't just do whatever Mom says when you're 35 just because she's "Mom" do you? Nope. Mom has either proven herself to be a reliable instructor or not, over time.
I went a really long time from my first kiss, which was with a complete asshole who scarred me emotionally in three days to even being able to accept a date. 4 years I think. I had to be friends with guys I wasn't attracted to first. Then I eventually moved into dating... another asshole, oops. And I met the man I fell for years later. We were friends first. I shut down almost immediately with everyone else, but practice trusting in little bits and pieces worked for me. Tell people the goofy things that you're embarrassed about, but aren't so emotionally charged. In non-sexual relationships.
I'm a slow-mover, and I have a couple of friends that I challenged to use the same pattern who were able to move on a lot faster than I did. But I'm a cynic. And a reformed mental health counselor.
It's okay to take your time. As long as you are moving the teeniest bit forward, you're still moving.