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Originally Posted by God of Thunder
What pisses me off the most, is the people who offer the help do not off the same help when my wife could use it.
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That would piss me off, too... I say offer BOTH moms and dads help with the kids, since quite possible BOTH could be bumbling and at a loss for how to deal with the kids on their own. I sure as hell don't think I'll have a clue about how to raise kids when it comes time for that, and I could use all the help I can get... and the same goes for ktspktsp. Equal opportunity cluelessness, please!
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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
Plus, I always had the sneaking suspicion he understood that, if I were around, I would always take the lead on issues with the kids and he could chill and not take responsibility. And I have a sneaking suspicion that that's not uncommon.
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Now, this I find completely and totally intolerable. Yet I admit that this has been one of my fears for raising children, that it would not be a job of equal leadership (even if the responsibility of following through is equal)... but I would hope that if either I or ktspktsp started "chilling" and not taking the lead to feed (short of breastfeeding, lol), clean, transport, tuck in, and come up with activities for the kids... one of us would call the other's bullshit within a very short period of time. We do the same with housework... anytime it gets out of balance, we correct it and things go back to pretty much 50-50. It's like what SM said earlier... these situations becomes what they are, only if we allow them to become that way. Situations involving kids/housework are not set in stone unless we allow them (whether passively or actively) to be.
The real issue is, what happens if one or both parents start working overtime a lot? How to divide that evenly, without gender bias (e.g. expecting the woman to make more career sacrifices than the man) and without abandoning the children at home or spending thousands on a full-time nanny?