Here, let me run down my situation quickly..
Well I grew up playing lots of sports and had friends, but I was always a quiet kid, I guess mostly because my dad was very quiet and reserved, he hardly ever talked to me. As I got to high school, I thought I had friends since we grew up together and had sports in common, but I was very self-conscious and shy still. When they went out partying, I just stayed at home.
I'm trying hard to break out of this shell, and I know I need experience socializing with others.. I'm feeling now that I missed out on so much in high school and it's hard for me to let go of the past and just become sociable.
Now I'm 20 in college but working and the guys at my office talk and joke alot.. I usually add to the conversation when I can think of something and sometimes startup conversation about things.. but then the other day a shy girl came in and these two really nice and outgoing guys were talkin' about her comin' out of her shell and laughin about it then one of them said, "What about 'Jon'! He's always over there smilin' or laughin' and lookin over at me sometimes" and the other guy said "Yea he adds his little comments in sometimes!" while in a laughing tone. Then the first guy said "You must be thinkin about SOMETHIN' when you're quiet like that!"....
and that made me think... I thought I was doing well and talking to them most of the time, but I guess other times I don't have much to say and just don't say anything...
When I'm quiet I'm just thinking about something to say, but sometimes I don't come up with anything and I'm silent for a bit..... I guess this is an introverted thing... but I hate it!... I just want to be like most people and just say whatever I'm thinking of at the time (are most people like this???)
I guess what I'm getting at is that I want to be liked, or likeable and was wondering if the only way was to become talkative and just speak most of the time in conversations.... I mean, I just don't see how people enjoy being friends with quiet people like me. I guess it gives them more time to talk, but what have I got to offer them? My listening?
Also, if I'm adding in a few words, or saying something slightly funny, but only once in awhile and not talking much else... what to people think about people like that?? I thought for me it was normal but... oh dear..
I just read a website about
Introversion and it very much applies to me.
It says "There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It does not need to be cured. It simply needs to be understood and accepted." but...
"When the individual has no friends and spends all their time alone… but not by choice. When the individual is depressed about having no friends."
this is me.
I don't WANT to be introverted
"Please remember that many introverts can learn to appear to be extraverted for those times when the need arises. "
"it provides them with a useful mask to put on when necessary. Such training comes through instruction and practice in public speaking, debate, drama, music, social skills, dance, and mentoring."
I would want training in social skills... but how other than experience?? does anyone have suggestions?
It feels like I'm wearing a mask when I go to talk to people... I'm being honest with my words to them usually... but I just can't tell how it's affecting them, I don't have a good sense of self when I talk to others... sometimes I don't trust them when they are acting nice... I can't tell if i'm really their friend or just another somebody. It hurts, but I don't want to feel bad for myself because that won't help, I just want to fix this somehow...
I know these questions I'm asking sound weird, even to me, but I think I really need your guys' help... any comment or experience you've had... introverts and extroverts are more than welcome
