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braisler · 04-18-2007, 10:22 AM

Ok, an update for all of you friendly souls who have read my ramblings and offered sympathy or insight...

A couple of weeks ago my wife had to travel to a conference for 4 days. I think that the time apart did some good. We talked on the phone a bit while she was away, but I think it was mostly just the physical distance that gave her some perspective. When she returned, she seemed to have more invested in making our relationship work. She does more to make me feel appreciated. I feel that things are a bit more in balance.

We are at about 10 and a half weeks now. We have both agreed that we need to create a more positive energy environment for our baby and our marriage. Working on that common goal seems to help. I am still a little frustrated because we haven't really 'talked' through everything in our relationship. For now, we are just working on making the actions and the environment positive and reinforcing. We spend time talking about the baby, thinking of names (we don't know gender yet), talking about where each of us is in our parenting mentality. I'd like to actually talk with her about what is happening in our relationship, where we are headed. I think that she is starting to feel better about things. I am too. I haven't pushed the topic yet because I don't want to make waves and also partially because I am afraid of the answers I might get.

Sex is back on the menu. It feels good for both of us and we are getting that closeness that we both missed. I feel like she is still holding back some. She usually has been and continues to be the more 'receptive' partner. I'd like for her to be more agressive and interested, but that isn't something that we are working on right now. I guess it comes down to the difference between feeling accepted (where we are now) and feeling wanted (where I'd like to be). In retrospect, she says that she has been feeling this 'lack' of emotional connection with me for several years now. That makes sense from the sex point of view too, because it is co-incident with the time I last felt her being really passionate with me and 'wanting' me sexually.

I've been reading a lot of material, both in books and online, about marriage and relationships. One thing that struck me well is the idea that 'love' in marriage isn't really a state of mind so much as a verb. Love is something that you do for someone else. Being 'in love' might be equated with being excited by someone. Loving someone might be the same as caring about them. But love in a marriage grows based on the things that we do for the benefit of the other person. That we start out doing things for the person because we love them, but we end up loving the person because of the things that we do for them. Does that make any sense? Well, it made some sense to me, so I thought I'd share it.

04-18-2007, 10:22 AM	#13 (permalink)
braisler Addict Location: Midway, KY	Ok, an update for all of you friendly souls who have read my ramblings and offered sympathy or insight... A couple of weeks ago my wife had to travel to a conference for 4 days. I think that the time apart did some good. We talked on the phone a bit while she was away, but I think it was mostly just the physical distance that gave her some perspective. When she returned, she seemed to have more invested in making our relationship work. She does more to make me feel appreciated. I feel that things are a bit more in balance. We are at about 10 and a half weeks now. We have both agreed that we need to create a more positive energy environment for our baby and our marriage. Working on that common goal seems to help. I am still a little frustrated because we haven't really 'talked' through everything in our relationship. For now, we are just working on making the actions and the environment positive and reinforcing. We spend time talking about the baby, thinking of names (we don't know gender yet), talking about where each of us is in our parenting mentality. I'd like to actually talk with her about what is happening in our relationship, where we are headed. I think that she is starting to feel better about things. I am too. I haven't pushed the topic yet because I don't want to make waves and also partially because I am afraid of the answers I might get. Sex is back on the menu. It feels good for both of us and we are getting that closeness that we both missed. I feel like she is still holding back some. She usually has been and continues to be the more 'receptive' partner. I'd like for her to be more agressive and interested, but that isn't something that we are working on right now. I guess it comes down to the difference between feeling accepted (where we are now) and feeling wanted (where I'd like to be). In retrospect, she says that she has been feeling this 'lack' of emotional connection with me for several years now. That makes sense from the sex point of view too, because it is co-incident with the time I last felt her being really passionate with me and 'wanting' me sexually. I've been reading a lot of material, both in books and online, about marriage and relationships. One thing that struck me well is the idea that 'love' in marriage isn't really a state of mind so much as a verb. Love is something that you do for someone else. Being 'in love' might be equated with being excited by someone. Loving someone might be the same as caring about them. But love in a marriage grows based on the things that we do for the benefit of the other person. That we start out doing things for the person because we love them, but we end up loving the person because of the things that we do for them. Does that make any sense? Well, it made some sense to me, so I thought I'd share it. __________________ --- You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - Albert Einstein ---