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Supple Cow · 04-15-2007, 10:05 AM

I come from a working class immigrant family - my parents both worked clerical jobs since they moved to the US 23 years ago - my mother was laid off at the age of 62 and my father is still going to work at the same job at the age of 68 for fear that they will have nothing to bury themselves with and leave a burden for us, the kids. I grew up with a lot of mixed messages and very little money. Most of my older siblings who were "less privileged" than I am, having been born abroad instead of in the US, have made out well in their respective professions (most are in IT now, but they all had to sweep the floors at fast food restaurants when they were teenagers in high school).

Sure, I'll agree that many insitutions in this world are set up to be less friendly to some people than to others. That Economist article makes me cringe, though, because those statistics gives too many people the excuse to shirk responsibility for themselves (not to mention that I question the causes they suggest are at root). This is ultimately about a value system, and how individuals choose to build that system.

My parents and teachers and the few advisors I had at public school ALL thought they had my best interest at heart. They all told me a lot of different things about how to make the most of my life and not a one of those things helped. I "broke through" my "disadvantages" by getting into a very elite college and ended up practically flunking out after the first two years of the eye-opening discovery. I have a lot of debt and I don't even have my degree yet! Not a goddamn thing some well-meaning person can tell me will change this, unless it's Donald Trump telling me that he wants to pay off all of my student loans and bankroll the last year or so of my education, no strings attached.

What kept me off the street after I royally fucked up was the combination of generous friends (who gave me resume and interview tips and such) and the realization that I had to take care of myself. Taking care of yourself means a lot more than most people seem to think. Sure, I owe a lot to those friends for their kindness (they are all TFPers and know who they are), but if I hadn't accepted the idea that I was the ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF, then none of that would have mattered.

People may think I'm a racist because I think the _____ people who blindly follow _____ culture are idiots, but I prefer to think of myself as a culturist. How can any single person build the best life they can if they are taking all of their cues from their church or their ethnic traditions or the bling-covered rappers on MTV? The ultra-religious, the yellow dog liberals, the finger wagging environmentalists... nobody's culture has it 100% right. The only thing I know is that I am the only person I can trust to behave in my best interest - not some collective wisdom passed down over the years. I am the only person who can decide that I will be the best person I can be. I am the only person who can make it happen. I happen to believe that most cultures do more to hurt this sense of self than help.

That the bling-bling culture seems to be so attractive to inner-city blacks doesn't have anything to do with the fact that ivy league schools still give preference to legacies (a practice which I find to be less than ideal on its own merits). Maybe it is just too attractive and maybe most inner-city blacks just don't have enough self to start with. My own culture of being Asian (at least what was shoved down my throat) had a lot of aspects that I had to figure out were not for me. It wasn't easy, but it's not impossible. In fact, ever since I realized and accepted that I am the sole entity responsible for myself, it has been easy to accept all of the internal cultural conflicts that I used to struggle with so much. What good is true diversity (of thought, opinion, genetics, appearance) if people never learn how to let the diversity in and discern the good from the bad for themselves?

I suppose it's possible that I happen to have been born with more critical thinking skills than most black people in inner cities or that the hip-hop culture is just too strong a force to resist. (I do find that hard to believe, but I guess it's not impossible.) I mean, it's true that the dominant culture among African-Americans (hip-hop) is more insidiously self-defeating than other cultures. I'm just not sure that it's either largely responsible or free from blame.

JJ - it sounds like your friend has maybe just gotten too accustomed to a life with little change. Sure, the fast world of business has a lot of change, but not of the lifestyle variety - it's more an exercise in changing tactics to play the same game. Going into Shesus' school and talking to those kids is a very different game, but not one that he is incapable of playing. Unless he is scarred from some horrible trauma of his youth that happened in 'the ghetto', you (the general you, not JJ & Shesus you) could probably converse with the guy a bit - kind of like what's happening in this thread - and remind him that he also has the power to take off his Rolex and leave his nice car at home while he rides the metro to the school with Shesus. Either way, I'm sure he has his reasons that are a lot more complicated to explain. It was probably just simpler for him at the time to quip about getting shot. Maybe he does care, but one weekday away from his work is too high a price to pay at this stage of his life.

There may be good guys and bad guys when it comes to creating and perpetuating these institutions that slant the playing field, but I for one am never going to believe that the primary concern of those who have the disadvantage should be to attack those institutions or the people who found a way in but couldn't hold it open for the everyone else. If the front door is locked, find another way into the house. And just because you're on the other side of the 'glass ceiling' (whether you were born there or made your way through) doesn't mean that the people below it are entitled to something of yours, be it your efforts or your money.

No person is equal to another on this earth - and every person must make the decision of what to do with their station in life and how to perceive it, whether they realize it or not.

04-15-2007, 10:05 AM	#15 (permalink)
Supple Cow Americow, the Beautiful Location: Washington, D.C.	I come from a working class immigrant family - my parents both worked clerical jobs since they moved to the US 23 years ago - my mother was laid off at the age of 62 and my father is still going to work at the same job at the age of 68 for fear that they will have nothing to bury themselves with and leave a burden for us, the kids. I grew up with a lot of mixed messages and very little money. Most of my older siblings who were "less privileged" than I am, having been born abroad instead of in the US, have made out well in their respective professions (most are in IT now, but they all had to sweep the floors at fast food restaurants when they were teenagers in high school). Sure, I'll agree that many insitutions in this world are set up to be less friendly to some people than to others. That Economist article makes me cringe, though, because those statistics gives too many people the excuse to shirk responsibility for themselves (not to mention that I question the causes they suggest are at root). This is ultimately about a value system, and how individuals choose to build that system. My parents and teachers and the few advisors I had at public school ALL thought they had my best interest at heart. They all told me a lot of different things about how to make the most of my life and not a one of those things helped. I "broke through" my "disadvantages" by getting into a very elite college and ended up practically flunking out after the first two years of the eye-opening discovery. I have a lot of debt and I don't even have my degree yet! Not a goddamn thing some well-meaning person can tell me will change this, unless it's Donald Trump telling me that he wants to pay off all of my student loans and bankroll the last year or so of my education, no strings attached. What kept me off the street after I royally fucked up was the combination of generous friends (who gave me resume and interview tips and such) and the realization that I had to take care of myself. Taking care of yourself means a lot more than most people seem to think. Sure, I owe a lot to those friends for their kindness (they are all TFPers and know who they are), but if I hadn't accepted the idea that I was the ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF, then none of that would have mattered. People may think I'm a racist because I think the _____ people who blindly follow _____ culture are idiots, but I prefer to think of myself as a culturist. How can any single person build the best life they can if they are taking all of their cues from their church or their ethnic traditions or the bling-covered rappers on MTV? The ultra-religious, the yellow dog liberals, the finger wagging environmentalists... nobody's culture has it 100% right. The only thing I know is that I am the only person I can trust to behave in my best interest - not some collective wisdom passed down over the years. I am the only person who can decide that I will be the best person I can be. I am the only person who can make it happen. I happen to believe that most cultures do more to hurt this sense of self than help. That the bling-bling culture seems to be so attractive to inner-city blacks doesn't have anything to do with the fact that ivy league schools still give preference to legacies (a practice which I find to be less than ideal on its own merits). Maybe it is just too attractive and maybe most inner-city blacks just don't have enough self to start with. My own culture of being Asian (at least what was shoved down my throat) had a lot of aspects that I had to figure out were not for me. It wasn't easy, but it's not impossible. In fact, ever since I realized and accepted that I am the sole entity responsible for myself, it has been easy to accept all of the internal cultural conflicts that I used to struggle with so much. What good is true diversity (of thought, opinion, genetics, appearance) if people never learn how to let the diversity in and discern the good from the bad for themselves? I suppose it's possible that I happen to have been born with more critical thinking skills than most black people in inner cities or that the hip-hop culture is just too strong a force to resist. (I do find that hard to believe, but I guess it's not impossible.) I mean, it's true that the dominant culture among African-Americans (hip-hop) is more insidiously self-defeating than other cultures. I'm just not sure that it's either largely responsible or free from blame. JJ - it sounds like your friend has maybe just gotten too accustomed to a life with little change. Sure, the fast world of business has a lot of change, but not of the lifestyle variety - it's more an exercise in changing tactics to play the same game. Going into Shesus' school and talking to those kids is a very different game, but not one that he is incapable of playing. Unless he is scarred from some horrible trauma of his youth that happened in 'the ghetto', you (the general you, not JJ & Shesus you) could probably converse with the guy a bit - kind of like what's happening in this thread - and remind him that he also has the power to take off his Rolex and leave his nice car at home while he rides the metro to the school with Shesus. Either way, I'm sure he has his reasons that are a lot more complicated to explain. It was probably just simpler for him at the time to quip about getting shot. Maybe he does care, but one weekday away from his work is too high a price to pay at this stage of his life. There may be good guys and bad guys when it comes to creating and perpetuating these institutions that slant the playing field, but I for one am never going to believe that the primary concern of those who have the disadvantage should be to attack those institutions or the people who found a way in but couldn't hold it open for the everyone else. If the front door is locked, find another way into the house. And just because you're on the other side of the 'glass ceiling' (whether you were born there or made your way through) doesn't mean that the people below it are entitled to something of yours, be it your efforts or your money. No person is equal to another on this earth - and every person must make the decision of what to do with their station in life and how to perceive it, whether they realize it or not. Last edited by Supple Cow; 04-15-2007 at 10:09 AM..