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Keeping your wife in the dark and keeping your insurance company in the dark seem to me to be mutually exclusive - because you're gonna have to say all that money is going somewhere.
I think you ought to reconsider talking to your wife about it. You'll be better for her if you're taking care of yourself, which will be better served by not hiding your condition from your closest family.
Realize that at some point, you're going to have to give up some control of the situation. You'll have to trust your provider's judgment about drugs, inpatient programs, etc. That's why you're going to them in the first place.
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Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam
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