Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Am I really needy or is she making excuses?

punch_drunk · 03-26-2007, 07:13 PM

I feel that she haas changed on all levels. First on her level of affection. She was more affectionate when we dated. I feel that when we got engaged, she became less and less affectionate. Just the other day she said that it is because she sees me all the time instead of just a couple days a week. Her previous excuse was that she is not a touchy-feely person. The excuses keep changing. I feel that they are just that- excuses.
The sexuality- that was a challenge from the start. we didn't have sex until we got married, and we had disagreements almost from day one. We were pregnant about two months into our marriage, and from that point on until 6-8 weeks after birth, we had no sexual contact of any kind, and very little affection.
About 6-8 months ago, she had the online affair, said she was confused, and went to a therapist, then announced that she had "bisexual tendencies." Although she hasn't had any further online affairs and has never had any physical lesbian relationships, she is obsessed with writing lesbian fanfiction and watching the L-Word. She talks online with several lesbians "friends" for 20-30 hours or more per week and text-messages or talks on the phone extensively with the same people.
She feels that physical contact I make with her, such as putting my hands on her side from under her shirt, or laying next to her and hugging her often, is annoying and needy. I think this is a normal display of love and affection. This would be normal for me in previous relationships.
My therapist met her last week and told her that these things were needy, thus fueling her sense of right. He previously told me I was absolutely feeling nothing wrong and was about par with the average male-female relationship in my wants and desires, so I can only think that he was playing her for information.
I meet with him this week, and then after that, she and I will probably begin to meet with him. I can only hope he can reiterate these things to her and have her understand what is normal and perhaps want to change. I am at my wit's end. I know in my heart and mind what is right, and this is not right. Not even close.

03-26-2007, 07:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
punch_drunk Upright	I feel that she haas changed on all levels. First on her level of affection. She was more affectionate when we dated. I feel that when we got engaged, she became less and less affectionate. Just the other day she said that it is because she sees me all the time instead of just a couple days a week. Her previous excuse was that she is not a touchy-feely person. The excuses keep changing. I feel that they are just that- excuses. The sexuality- that was a challenge from the start. we didn't have sex until we got married, and we had disagreements almost from day one. We were pregnant about two months into our marriage, and from that point on until 6-8 weeks after birth, we had no sexual contact of any kind, and very little affection. About 6-8 months ago, she had the online affair, said she was confused, and went to a therapist, then announced that she had "bisexual tendencies." Although she hasn't had any further online affairs and has never had any physical lesbian relationships, she is obsessed with writing lesbian fanfiction and watching the L-Word. She talks online with several lesbians "friends" for 20-30 hours or more per week and text-messages or talks on the phone extensively with the same people. She feels that physical contact I make with her, such as putting my hands on her side from under her shirt, or laying next to her and hugging her often, is annoying and needy. I think this is a normal display of love and affection. This would be normal for me in previous relationships. My therapist met her last week and told her that these things were needy, thus fueling her sense of right. He previously told me I was absolutely feeling nothing wrong and was about par with the average male-female relationship in my wants and desires, so I can only think that he was playing her for information. I meet with him this week, and then after that, she and I will probably begin to meet with him. I can only hope he can reiterate these things to her and have her understand what is normal and perhaps want to change. I am at my wit's end. I know in my heart and mind what is right, and this is not right. Not even close.