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Double D · 05-30-2003, 10:25 AM

Weighing in as a parent, I'll try to be as objective as I can here.

I have a son, age 20. Until he was age 8, I raised him as a single parent. At that time, his now step-father came into our lives.
Especially during his formative years, I was told again & again by teachers, coaches, & his friend's parents, what a *great kid* he was. And he was. He was so well-behaved, that I sometimes thought it would be more normal for him to act up a little.

By age 12, cracks began to appear in the veneer of his shining behavior. His grades, which had been honor role-worthy, began to slide, he dropped out of sports (which he'd always pursued without parental pressure) and became sullen and very withdrawn from the family.

Music became more important in his life- rap music. Before long, he seemed consumed by it, he dressed and talked like rappers while digesting the misogynistic, anti-almost-everything-except-personal-wealth, lyrics.

His life became a series of run in's with the law, minor stuff at first like curfew violation, a year or two later, shoplifting, drug arrests...he continued to spiral downward.

All the loving parenting, all the guidance & support, the *toughlove*- all of it - might as well have never happened because his life went to shit. We sought family counseling- he refused to participate, we put him in in-patient treatment facilities-same story. The grand finale was his stealing our car and getting in two hit & run accidents with it (he hadn't yet learned to drive/ secured a driver's license). This resulted in jail time, which he's now done a handful of times.

All the while, the constant force in his life was rap. I listened to what he was listening to, and it terrified me. The message was take (steal) what you want, women are bitches and 'hos, kill cops, and profanity is the only means of verbal communication. All these messages saturating his brain, had to influence his behavior.

So the influence of rap music-part of his culture- helped shape him into what he is. Most of what he learned at home, he seemed to discard.

One thing I'm not citing here is genetics, which I do believe influences behavior as well, and is probably a topic for another thread.

I have no idea what a good parent is, either. At least a good enough parent to guarantee having a good kid.

05-30-2003, 10:25 AM	#13 (permalink)
Double D Junkie Location: Chicagoland	Weighing in as a parent, I'll try to be as objective as I can here. I have a son, age 20. Until he was age 8, I raised him as a single parent. At that time, his now step-father came into our lives. Especially during his formative years, I was told again & again by teachers, coaches, & his friend's parents, what a great kid he was. And he was. He was so well-behaved, that I sometimes thought it would be more normal for him to act up a little. By age 12, cracks began to appear in the veneer of his shining behavior. His grades, which had been honor role-worthy, began to slide, he dropped out of sports (which he'd always pursued without parental pressure) and became sullen and very withdrawn from the family. Music became more important in his life- rap music. Before long, he seemed consumed by it, he dressed and talked like rappers while digesting the misogynistic, anti-almost-everything-except-personal-wealth, lyrics. His life became a series of run in's with the law, minor stuff at first like curfew violation, a year or two later, shoplifting, drug arrests...he continued to spiral downward. All the loving parenting, all the guidance & support, the toughlove- all of it - might as well have never happened because his life went to shit. We sought family counseling- he refused to participate, we put him in in-patient treatment facilities-same story. The grand finale was his stealing our car and getting in two hit & run accidents with it (he hadn't yet learned to drive/ secured a driver's license). This resulted in jail time, which he's now done a handful of times. All the while, the constant force in his life was rap. I listened to what he was listening to, and it terrified me. The message was take (steal) what you want, women are bitches and 'hos, kill cops, and profanity is the only means of verbal communication. All these messages saturating his brain, had to influence his behavior. So the influence of rap music-part of his culture- helped shape him into what he is. Most of what he learned at home, he seemed to discard. One thing I'm not citing here is genetics, which I do believe influences behavior as well, and is probably a topic for another thread. I have no idea what a good parent is, either. At least a good enough parent to guarantee having a good kid. Last edited by Double D; 05-30-2003 at 10:27 AM..