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you really do sound like your are uprooting everything you have found comfort in, and in doing so you are questioning everything and doing this is super unpleasent. However, it is nice to see you are trying to be objective. I think thats something very few people can do.
Keep it up, youre bound to find yourself again. And who knows, you may like that new you =)
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My third eye is my camera's lens.
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