Problem with changing interests
I could start several threads on the questions about my life. I've asked my parents, so now I'll ask one about myself.
I grew up as a very conniving, instigative kid. I stole thousands of dollars worth of toys, I made fun of other kids, and I never really valued other people. I was anti-social, if you will.
Over the past year (I'm 21), I've grown up a lot. I see the value in other people and my self, and it has helped me a great deal. As a result, however, I've realized that I attracted bad, shallow friends. While I ditched most of them, I've also realized that I never really formed deep, meaningful relationships with family, friends, or girlfriends. Basically, I wasn't a good friend.
Now, as I've begun to wake up through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and focusing on my self esteem, I've seen my interest in favorite activities fade.
1. Watching sports - I feel like I'm wasting my life by getting so involved in watching others live their lives and accumulate meaningless stats.
2. Playing video games - Again, I feel like I'm wasting my life sitting around playing games that don't get me anywhere.
3. Music - Growing up, I loved dramatic story songs. As I learn to think rationally, I find myself wondering if this music isn't anything more than frustrated, angry people writing about how their lives suck. Granted, the music I listen to is redemptive and ultimately positive. It's not your Emo I hate myself crap. It's old time rock and roll, so that's good. I guess my concern is that when I listen or play along, I almost wonder if these singers could have just taken a deep breath and realized their lives weren't so bad? But then again, maybe I'm dismissing the validity and power of their writing?
4. Humor - I used to enjoy dark, satirical humor that poked at social concerns. My concern is my taste in dark humor stems from my negative, skewed ways of thinking.
These are three of the main concerns. With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I'm afraid that maybe everything I enjoy stems from my negative, hateful thinking I practiced for 20 years. Maybe I'm supposed to learn to enjoy different things? This bothers me because I feel like I can't relax and enjoy what I like. Maybe I shouldn't think things are funny anymore? Besides, why should I laugh about someone's funny haircut? Doesn't this stem from me thinking he looks stupid?
It's very frustrating. I want to relax and enjoy the things I enjoy, but I'm afraid they stem from bad habits. What do the rest of you think?
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