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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Even more importantly, happiness has nothing to do with your circumstances. If you are dependent on having just the right circumstances to make you happy, then you're never actually happy, because there's always the fear that the circumstances will change and take your happiness away.
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This is exactly right. Everyone has some aspect of their life that they, in a sense, center the rest around. For some people it is family, for others it is their spouse... but others center around things like money, or their enemies, or power... there are many, many others as well. Now, in a way, none of these different "centers" are wrong... everyone is different and everyone has different things that bring them joy. However, in a way, all of these "centers"
are wrong... because, as
ratbastid said, if you are dependent on having specific circumstances or external factors aligned a certain way in order for you to be happy... then your happiness is something that can be stripped away and it will never sustain itself for very long.
For example, someone whose life is centered around money... if they don't have money (or not enough), they will not be happy. If they do have enough money to bring them some level of happiness... they will be too preoccupied with sustaining their wealth or acquiring more that it will require exponentially more money to reach that same level of happiness.
Or, someone whose life is centered around their spouse... they might be happy when their spouse is nearby, and in a good mood, and is focused on them, etc... but if even one of those things is off, that person will not be happy.
The point is, centering your life on an external factor or circumstance will make that feeling of happiness a very fragile, rare, and unstable thing.
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Originally Posted by Jimellow
I have a suspicion that people are unhappy as a result of living lifestyles that are not necessarily suited to them, but instead deemed cool/trendy/acceptable by society. And instead of taking a risk and breaking free from the mold to pursue something they genuinely enjoy, they are instead miserable and trapped in a lifestyle not dictacted by them, but instead society.
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There is a lot of truth in what you say. Everyday we see celebrities, commercials, movies, etc... all expressing this facade of what should make people happy. Unfortunately, we see it all SO much that many people buy into it and actually start to believe that having a newer, bigger TV will make them happy... or a newer, bigger SUV will make them happy... it just never ends. But honestly... how often does that stuff really make you happy? Maybe for a few days, or until an upgraded version is released and makes your version outdated... again, it's all external factors... which are not the way to sustaining happiness.
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Originally Posted by Jimellow
I used to be a very stressed person, but at some point (which I can't pinpoint), I just changed my mindset and outlook in life, and I made small changes that have ultimately resulted in me literally enjoying life whenever possible. There are bad days, but even they aren't as bad as they would have been in the past.
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I went through a similar change back in high school... I used to be very unstable when it came to feeling happy. I was very superstitious and probably would've ended up with OCD, but luckily one day I literally just woke up and thought to myself... "this is stupid, I AM going to be happy from now on." Of course, it wasn't THAT simple... but it was definitely a defining moment and things got easier and easier each day after that. If you keep at it, happiness can almost become a habit.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
It's also this: nothing can EVER "make you" happy. You're happy or you're not, and it's really up to you. No change in circumstances can ever really prompt any emotional "response"--that response is entirely yours and yours alone. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you've got the circumstances you've got.
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This is similar to the point I was trying to make over in my
personal responsibility thread. Everyone encounters circumstances and situations that aren't ideal, but we have a responsibility in how we react to those circumstances. Depending on external factors to bring happiness or blaming them for making you unhappy is the same thing... like you say, "you're happy or you're not, and it's really up to you." no matter what the circumstances are. Period.
And here is the point of my entire post...
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
I think in any moment you can choose happiness.
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Happiness
is a choice. If we decide to center our lives around external situations, then it sometimes can be a very hard choice to make. However, if we live as
Jimellow said and are geniune towards oneself, consistently basing our many decisions on proper values... then choosing to be happy becomes much easier.