person1121

Many people believe that the most important reason to live is to be happy. However, happiness differs among everybody, as different things make different people happy. So my question to you is what makes you happy? How can happiness be achieved? Are you happy? (please be as thorough in your explanation as you'd like).

Ourcrazymodern?

Happiness is that giddy feeling you get out of appreciating your existence when it's pleasurable.
Um, what was the question? (Please be more thorough, and describe where YOUR happiness comes from?)

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

josie

For me, happiness feels like a wave that washes over me that erases all tension, stress, and worry, and allows me to be totally relaxed and open to whatever stimulus is present. It's a feeling that I'm exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want to be doing with exactly the person or people I want to be doing it with. I'm unopen to distractions - I'm not thinking of could haves or would haves-I am fully focused.

Music, people, certain specific activities, as well as beauty and comfort inspire happiness in me.

Ch'i

Expressing myself through martial arts, and music. Happy may not be the precise term, but its close enough.

Gilda

I have brief moments now and then, when I meet a goal, or the right song plays at just the right time, or I get some human contact exactly when I need it the most.

Much of the time it's an effort just to function at a normal level so as not to let down the people who are counting on me, so no, I'm definitely not happy, and I'm never sure exactly why.

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

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ratbastid

First, we should say what happiness isn't. Happiness is not relief. It's not satisfaction or satiety. It's not getting your way or getting what you want. Happiness isn't anything you can do or get. Happiness isn't a place to get to, because being on a quest for something isn't happiness.

Even more importantly, happiness has nothing to do with your circumstances. If you are dependent on having just the right circumstances to make you happy, then you're never actually happy, because there's always the fear that the circumstances will change and take your happiness away.

Most of what I see people call happiness falls into one or more of the above categories. In the world of grasping and rejection that human beings are heir to, all that mess is what passes for happiness.

So what is happiness? Happiness is knowing and being and living that what is happening right now is what is happening right now, and that the reason things are the way they are is because that is the way they are. Happiness is giving up whys and becauses and in-order-tos.

How do you get to that place? Not by trying to get there, I'll tell you that much!

josie

Being new to this forum, I'm not sure what the protocol is, so if I step on some toes here, please forgive me, but what you said Ratbastid brought up some questions in my mind. Especially this:

I see what you're saying, as in you'd not be totally in the moment (maybe), but worrying about when and if it might end, but then that would mean that happiness would be either fairly constant or not exist at all for certain people. It seems like you see it as a state of being that cannot be affected by outside forces. I think I'm a fairly happy person, but situations definitely come and go that affect my happiness. It's not at all constant.
*The other thing I realized is that the three specific things I listed that make me happy are also the very same things that can make me unhappy depending on the moment in time and the specific person, music or activity.

I'd call that acceptance. I think of happiness as being a step beyond this.

Do you think you can make a decision to be more open to happiness though?

Jimellow

I am content, and through contentness, I am happy.

How is it achieved?

For me, it relates primarily to the way I approach life. I am a very positive person, and also am very content with life. This is primarily a result of me examining things before doing them, and ultimately deciding whether the outcome will be beneficial or not in the long run. I am not a risk taker, and as a result I've been able to create and exist in a life that I find very enjoyable and comfortable.

I would suggest that the most important way for someone to be happy is to look within themselves and find out what they enjoy doing. Society might dictate that it's fun to throw poo at homeless people, but unless you genuinely enjoy the practice yourself, you are falsely attempting to enjoy life. Multiply that one example with the thousands of minute decisions we make on a weekly basis, and a trend will start to develop.

I have a suspicion that people are unhappy as a result of living lifestyles that are not necessarily suited to them, but instead deemed cool/trendy/acceptable by society. And instead of taking a risk and breaking free from the mold to pursue something they genuinely enjoy, they are instead miserable and trapped in a lifestyle not dictacted by them, but instead society.

As an example: Occasionally I will meet someone and I'll tell them I enjoy listening to classical music and reading books. In a few cases, their respnse is less about what they enjoy doing, and more about criticizing, or making fun, of the things I do for enjoyment. To me, this says, "I care more about seeming cool than I do about being myself." And that's fine, but I suspect that there are at least a few cases where people live their lives based on what society dictates, despite such a lifestyle ultimately being unenjoyable, even miserable.

I do think happiness has to be worked at to an extent. That work might only require avoiding negative situations when possible, or taking a more positive view of an initially negative experience, but it's work nonetheless. I feel that throughout life I have made an effort to live a lifestyle and take an approach that has ultimately led me to being happy and content. I used to be a very stressed person, but at some point (which I can't pinpoint), I just changed my mindset and outlook in life, and I made small changes that have ultimately resulted in me literally enjoying life whenever possible. There are bad days, but even they aren't as bad as they would have been in the past.

I don't think there is a formula for being happy. Individuals are exactly that: individual. Results do vary, but being genuine to oneself is likely one consistent trend I would list as being a key to happiness. But even then, I suppose there are people that genuinely are unhappy, and to change that might seem "fake", thus going against my recommendation.

It's pretty widely expressed that money buys happiness, but I think genuine happiness is not something that can be bought. I think happiness is less about material things and more about people coming to terms with themselves. When you get to know yourself well enough, you will also start to know what makes you happy.

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

ratbastid

Welcome! And, no, discussion is what this is all about. I don't post my ideas (well.. in Tilted Philosophy, anyway) to validate the perfection of them, but to have them interacted with and challenged.

It's also this: nothing can EVER "make you" happy. You're happy or you're not, and it's really up to you. No change in circumstances can ever really prompt any emotional "response"--that response is entirely yours and yours alone. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you've got the circumstances you've got.

I noticed one day that the same circumstances and set of physical reactions can be called either "excitement" or "fear". When I noticed that, I created and instituted a practice of saying "I'm excited" whenever I experience fear.


That's interesting. What would you add to that to make it into happiness?

Now that you mention it, I might add something too. Perhaps in addition to being in the moment with nothing wrong and nowhere to get, there's something in the realm of... like, creating some thing new in that space and then fulfilling on it.

The other day, from that space of not-knowing, I invented that my wife lurkette should have everything she wants. Later that morning, our cat Jack stood her up for their usual snuggle on the bathroom floor bath mat. I heard her in the bathroom calling for him, so I went into the bathroom and laid down on the bath mat and she rubbed my belly and my neck and my chin just like she does with Jack, and we giggled like little kids. It was as happy as I've been in recent memory.

It wasn't the clear space that had me be happy in that moment, it was what I used it for.


Maybe. But being "open" to it puts it back outside you again, like happiness will either fall on you or not, and if it does, you have to be "open". I don't think that's how it is. I think you either generate happiness or you generate something else. I think in any moment you can choose happiness. But you don't get there by "trying to be happy"--that's a future thing you're working on that maybe you'll get to someday. Happiness is a RIGHT NOW phenomenon.

josie

That made me laugh- happily. What a great mental image. You guys do sound like you know how to generate happiness.

That's a good way to think about it.

Thanks for the welcome, by the way. I had joined this forum last year, but never had the time to devote to it - distracted by other things. But I've been reading along more lately and am really impressed by the level of conversation and respect, etc... as well as all the interesting people who seem to have congregated here. I hope to be more active in 2007.

Manorfire

'Happiness is antidepressants with no side effects...'

Or is it simply the absence of unhappiness?

People, who admit to an unhappy life, are often viewed as ungrateful, negative, losers...who should get a grip and get out more. Apparently, they should embrace what joys they are blessed to have and 'stop the whining', 'the excuses' and to 'grab life by the bollocks and enjoy the ride.'

From my experience, some people are seemingly 'born' unhappy and continue through life feeling so, despite a climate that should foster their happiness. This only adds to the frustration and confusion of feeling irrationally sad. If your happiness remains stagnate whatever you do, striving for success seems pointless, unless it's for the benefit of another person's happiness. Making my 4 year old laugh has got to be the best thing in the world.

Perhaps happiness is more a genetic, personality trait than we credit it to be. I was nurtured to be a positive person, even more so as I have a disability, but something went awry. Since concluding that I'm a lost cause, bad experiences and circumstances seem to follow me around or I purposefully go looking for them. My siblings are happy people, or so they claim. It's hard not to resent them for it and much easier to present a facade to them that life is alright (and I don't need their advice). I want their high expectations for me to remain as it raises my self-esteem.

Perhaps people, who hold that happiness is a predetermined thing, are actually self-fulfilling their own prophesies? Does a supposed happiness formula lie with what you convince yourself to accept or perceive?

person1121

Thanks everybody! Any other opinions on happiness?

captobvious

Happiness is a 9 letter word.

Giant Hamburger

To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to laminate their women.

Ourcrazymodern?

[QUOTE=Ourcrazymodern?]Happiness is that giddy feeling you get out of appreciating your existence when it's pleasurable.

QUOTE]

Women in layers!Thanks GH.
The TFP contributes to my happiness much of the time.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

SirLance

I don't know about the laminated women part...

I'm happiest when challenged. Even if it's frustrating, acheiving a goal is what makes me happy.

That, and the look in my wife's eyes when she sees me at the end of the day. I've never been so deeply loved.

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Ourcrazymodern?

Women are challenging and frustrating. The rest was just window-dressing, and now I'm jealous (as if) because I don't feel deeply loved.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Baraka_Guru

Happiness if overcoming our misery.

Misery is losing what we think brings us happiness.

Yet, we still cling to these as though they are ours.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Chimera

To me.....Happiness is a fleeting taste of what life can be when pain has finished teaching.

hagatha

I am happier than I have been in months. I came to the realization that I am a really strong person, have excellent friendships and a career that is going just where I want.
I think happiness, for me, is finally seeing that I am not alone and never was.

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Thats the last time I trust the strangest people I ever met....H. Simpson

Mistress Kali

"All persons want to be happy; and no persons are happy who do not have what they want (St. Augustine)." I guess the hard part is figuring out what it is that we want.

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dirtyrascal7

This is exactly right. Everyone has some aspect of their life that they, in a sense, center the rest around. For some people it is family, for others it is their spouse... but others center around things like money, or their enemies, or power... there are many, many others as well. Now, in a way, none of these different "centers" are wrong... everyone is different and everyone has different things that bring them joy. However, in a way, all of these "centers" are wrong... because, as ratbastid said, if you are dependent on having specific circumstances or external factors aligned a certain way in order for you to be happy... then your happiness is something that can be stripped away and it will never sustain itself for very long.

For example, someone whose life is centered around money... if they don't have money (or not enough), they will not be happy. If they do have enough money to bring them some level of happiness... they will be too preoccupied with sustaining their wealth or acquiring more that it will require exponentially more money to reach that same level of happiness.

Or, someone whose life is centered around their spouse... they might be happy when their spouse is nearby, and in a good mood, and is focused on them, etc... but if even one of those things is off, that person will not be happy.

The point is, centering your life on an external factor or circumstance will make that feeling of happiness a very fragile, rare, and unstable thing.

There is a lot of truth in what you say. Everyday we see celebrities, commercials, movies, etc... all expressing this facade of what should make people happy. Unfortunately, we see it all SO much that many people buy into it and actually start to believe that having a newer, bigger TV will make them happy... or a newer, bigger SUV will make them happy... it just never ends. But honestly... how often does that stuff really make you happy? Maybe for a few days, or until an upgraded version is released and makes your version outdated... again, it's all external factors... which are not the way to sustaining happiness.

I went through a similar change back in high school... I used to be very unstable when it came to feeling happy. I was very superstitious and probably would've ended up with OCD, but luckily one day I literally just woke up and thought to myself... "this is stupid, I AM going to be happy from now on." Of course, it wasn't THAT simple... but it was definitely a defining moment and things got easier and easier each day after that. If you keep at it, happiness can almost become a habit.

This is similar to the point I was trying to make over in my personal responsibility thread. Everyone encounters circumstances and situations that aren't ideal, but we have a responsibility in how we react to those circumstances. Depending on external factors to bring happiness or blaming them for making you unhappy is the same thing... like you say, "you're happy or you're not, and it's really up to you." no matter what the circumstances are. Period.


And here is the point of my entire post...
Happiness is a choice. If we decide to center our lives around external situations, then it sometimes can be a very hard choice to make. However, if we live as Jimellow said and are geniune towards oneself, consistently basing our many decisions on proper values... then choosing to be happy becomes much easier.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Bittertalker

According to Aristotle contemplation is the essence of happiness.

hagatha

Because the unexamined life is not worth living.

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Thats the last time I trust the strangest people I ever met....H. Simpson