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Originally Posted by skier
control of what?
He isn't waiting on her (or shouldn't be). I'm just saying he should make her aware that the reason they aren't together is because of her indecision with her ex-boyfriend.
basically saying "If you figure your shit out, i'm available."
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skier: sorry, didn't mean for that to sound confrontational...i easily forget that my bullshittery doesn't necessarily come across too well in written format. regardless, I'd agree that being blunt and honest about the reason i'd be distancing myself from her romantically, but i wouldn't tell her "if you figure your shit out, i'm available." in my opinion, that devalues yourself. you're saying its all her call, and you'll go with whatever. these days, i'd prefer to be more proactive, and to act in ways that makes me feel like i'm taking ownership for my decisions and my life. in this situation, for me that would involve basically saying "i hope you figure your shit out, and i'll be here for you as a friend to whatever extent is natural at that time - but i'm wrapping up the romantic phase of this relationship. your behavior is unacceptable."
in my experience, in other course of action ends in a bunch of horseshit melodrama, and the end result is the same. it doesn't work out, because she stays with the guy / keeps being emotionally unfaithful, or else i sabotage it because i feel uncomfortable with the situation. i'd rather just skip it. now, if he just wants a convenient source of nearby company, then thats a different situation, which is accompanied by a different mindset.
hope that makes my position a little clearer.