update
I did call the SSA and they told me they have no record of him as deceased. They would not have called my mother without him being in the system, furthermore they said if they did indeed contact her about benefits it would have been by letter. Thank you Craven Morehead (I just got that name lol) for the Zaba search site, 72 possibilities came up. I tried it but will have to look at it again when I have time to make some calls. I did get finally reach the property manager at my dad's last known address, he told me my dad moved 2 months ago to Baltimore MD. He does not have a forwarding address, hopefully my dad registered with the USPS, if so the letter I plan to send him tomorrow will be forwarded. My mother has a history of lying especially when it comes to my dad. He left when I was 12, supposedly because he was "sick of my shit." I found out 15 yrs later she forced him to leave and blocked all attempts of communication from him to me, and pocketed all money sent while complaining to everyone that he left us high and dry. I found my father after searching for 3 yrs, we managed to maintain a relationship for about 5 yrs. I am guessing he started having some mental health issues, he became very demanding and verbally abusive towards me. He threatened me constantly, telling me if I didnt live my life and raise my kids the way he told me he would write me out of his will. The last straw was when he wanted me to move to an improvished area of Richmond (near him) and live in a 12x54 trailer (that was older than me) with my husband and 3 kids... I refused so he disowned me. I was living in Pa at the time, owned a home and we had good jobs. He wrote me a letter telling me that as far as he was concerned I did not exist. He enclosed copies of his will which explicitly stated I was to get nothing. About a year ago I received a letter from him, judging by what he wrote he is either mentally ill or going through Alzheimers. He knows something happened but not what exactly, he was orry and wanted to be in touch again. I was too hurt and bitter to respond at the time but I want to find him and make my peace before it's too late.
Thank you everyone for your advice and support, it was all very helpful.
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