is he dead or not? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

yonique · 02-06-2007, 03:34 PM

I am at the end of a short list of places to call to find out if my father has died, if so where are his remain and what happened to his property. My mother contacted me last night and told me that she was contacted by the Social Security Admin, they told her she was eligible for survivor benefits. I am assuming that means my father is dead. I called his last known number, it was disconnected. I called the only friend/emergency contact I knew of that he had... her number is dosconnected. I called the police, they directed me to the medical examiner. The ME told me they have no recent record of his death and referred me to the Dept of Health. The only thing I could do there is request a death certificate, they couldn't even confirm if one existed. It will be 2-4 weeks before I find out. I did an obit search that included 350 papers nationwide, nothing. Goggle search came up with his address. I even googled addresses in his neighborhood, no one knew who he was (he was a recluse.) I did manage to get the phone number of his landlord, but no one answered... I am going to try tomorrow. I finally called the Social Security Admin to find out if they at least have a date of his death... I was told they have no record of him being deceased. The person i spoke to said if my mom had been contacted my dad should be in the system. It is not impossible that my mother lied, she has a history of rewriting the past to suit her needs. I guess she never fails to amaze me. I spent the last 12 hrs making calls and doing internet searches and crying. I haven't spoken to my dad in 10 yrs (his choice) I care about him and want to know what happened. I cannot believe there is no way of finding out the circumstances of a death and location of that persons remains and property are. His last known address was in Richmond Va, if anyone has any suggestions for me please share.

analog · 02-06-2007, 03:49 PM

If he has died, you should be able to find that information. I would keep trying the landlord to see what's going on. I wouldn't say this means he's still alive, or not, but I think the factors stack up a bit that he isn't... certainly the Social Security office would have record of it if your mom had, indeed, been contacted by them.

Good luck, and don't give in to the rough time you're having. You'll find what you need to know- one way or another.

ShaniFaye · 02-06-2007, 03:51 PM

If he is dead and she is being told she is eligible for benefits he will be listed in the social security death index...you can do a search here

http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/

SecretMethod70 · 02-06-2007, 05:03 PM

Did they ask her for any personal information? Could it have been someone scamming her?

yonique · 02-06-2007, 05:05 PM

I did the SSDI search and then called the SSA, there is no record of his death as of today so I am beginning to accept that my mother sunk to an all time new low and lied. If I call her on it she will re-word what she claims she told me and try to pass it off as a misunderstanding on my behalf. I am going to try the landlord tomorrow and hopefully find out where he is. Thanks for your support

She claimed someone called her, the SSA told me if she was contacted it was by letter. I have no idea what information was asked or given. I'm not sure she would even be eligible for survivor benefits, they divorced 23 yrs ago.

Elphaba · 02-06-2007, 08:00 PM

Quote:

I guess she never fails to amaze me. I spent the last 12 hrs making calls and doing internet searches and crying. I haven't spoken to my dad in 10 yrs (his choice) I care about him and want to know what happened.

Yonique, this situation troubles me in that my brother-in-law went through multiple lies told by his mother regarding his father. To make a long story short, he believed his father was dead until his mother died. She had kept birthday and Christmas gifts for him from his father in a trunk. He met his biological father in Vienna soon after this discovery.

I can't claim to understand why she is doing this to you, except that it may bring her attention that she needs. I wish you well in finding your father, without the heart breaking drama that you have endured.

Menoman · 02-06-2007, 10:16 PM

I would honestly attempt to get this woman psychological help if she indeed is lying about this, as well as other things as you've already stated.

There are medical disorders that cause things like that. That is just whacky.

Sue · 02-07-2007, 03:14 AM

Ask the police to stop by the address you have to check on his whereabouts.

The_Jazz · 02-07-2007, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sue

Ask the police to stop by the address you have to check on his whereabouts.

Fantastic advice. The police do wellness checks all the time, and they generally follow up if they can't find anything.

It seems entirely possible to me that your mother is either stretching the truth or the victim of some sort of scam. I think the time has come to discuss it with her since this could be a sign of greater underlying problems. Good luck either way.

Craven Morehead · 02-09-2007, 09:05 PM

http://www.zabasearch.com/

This site is amazing for finding people. Good luck.

flat5 · 02-10-2007, 04:47 AM

Sharon · 02-10-2007, 07:09 AM

I'm afraid have nothing to contribute... except that I'm curious to hear how this turns out, hope that's okay.

yonique · 02-12-2007, 01:22 PM

I did call the SSA and they told me they have no record of him as deceased. They would not have called my mother without him being in the system, furthermore they said if they did indeed contact her about benefits it would have been by letter. Thank you Craven Morehead (I just got that name lol) for the Zaba search site, 72 possibilities came up. I tried it but will have to look at it again when I have time to make some calls. I did get finally reach the property manager at my dad's last known address, he told me my dad moved 2 months ago to Baltimore MD. He does not have a forwarding address, hopefully my dad registered with the USPS, if so the letter I plan to send him tomorrow will be forwarded. My mother has a history of lying especially when it comes to my dad. He left when I was 12, supposedly because he was "sick of my shit." I found out 15 yrs later she forced him to leave and blocked all attempts of communication from him to me, and pocketed all money sent while complaining to everyone that he left us high and dry. I found my father after searching for 3 yrs, we managed to maintain a relationship for about 5 yrs. I am guessing he started having some mental health issues, he became very demanding and verbally abusive towards me. He threatened me constantly, telling me if I didnt live my life and raise my kids the way he told me he would write me out of his will. The last straw was when he wanted me to move to an improvished area of Richmond (near him) and live in a 12x54 trailer (that was older than me) with my husband and 3 kids... I refused so he disowned me. I was living in Pa at the time, owned a home and we had good jobs. He wrote me a letter telling me that as far as he was concerned I did not exist. He enclosed copies of his will which explicitly stated I was to get nothing. About a year ago I received a letter from him, judging by what he wrote he is either mentally ill or going through Alzheimers. He knows something happened but not what exactly, he was orry and wanted to be in touch again. I was too hurt and bitter to respond at the time but I want to find him and make my peace before it's too late.

Thank you everyone for your advice and support, it was all very helpful.

Sharon · 02-12-2007, 01:48 PM

Good luck with your search yonique, it all sounds very complicated especially to an outsider, but I hope you find a resolution and get the closure you're looking for.

evil_twin617 · 02-13-2007, 08:52 AM

Sounds to me like your mother has some honesty issues. The SSA doesn't contact YOU when someone dies. You contact them to get survivor benefits.

yonique · 03-04-2007, 06:17 AM

Update:
I did talk to the landlord at my fathers last known address, he told me my father had moved to Baltimore 2 months ago. He did not have a forwarding address for him, I checked all the leads I had to find him online but was unsucessful. Hoping that he would register his address change with the USPS I wrote him a letter, it should get forwarded if it's registered. It's been about 2 weeks, I have not received the returned letter nor have I heard from him. y feelings have settled, I have accepted that I may never hear from him again. As for my mother I have not been able to bring myself to spake to her since this happened. Thanks for all your advice and expressions of concern and empathy.

02-06-2007, 03:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
yonique Upright	is he dead or not? I am at the end of a short list of places to call to find out if my father has died, if so where are his remain and what happened to his property. My mother contacted me last night and told me that she was contacted by the Social Security Admin, they told her she was eligible for survivor benefits. I am assuming that means my father is dead. I called his last known number, it was disconnected. I called the only friend/emergency contact I knew of that he had... her number is dosconnected. I called the police, they directed me to the medical examiner. The ME told me they have no recent record of his death and referred me to the Dept of Health. The only thing I could do there is request a death certificate, they couldn't even confirm if one existed. It will be 2-4 weeks before I find out. I did an obit search that included 350 papers nationwide, nothing. Goggle search came up with his address. I even googled addresses in his neighborhood, no one knew who he was (he was a recluse.) I did manage to get the phone number of his landlord, but no one answered... I am going to try tomorrow. I finally called the Social Security Admin to find out if they at least have a date of his death... I was told they have no record of him being deceased. The person i spoke to said if my mom had been contacted my dad should be in the system. It is not impossible that my mother lied, she has a history of rewriting the past to suit her needs. I guess she never fails to amaze me. I spent the last 12 hrs making calls and doing internet searches and crying. I haven't spoken to my dad in 10 yrs (his choice) I care about him and want to know what happened. I cannot believe there is no way of finding out the circumstances of a death and location of that persons remains and property are. His last known address was in Richmond Va, if anyone has any suggestions for me please share.

02-06-2007, 03:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	If he is dead and she is being told she is eligible for benefits he will be listed in the social security death index...you can do a search here http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/ __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

02-06-2007, 05:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	Did they ask her for any personal information? Could it have been someone scamming her? __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

02-06-2007, 05:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
yonique Upright	I did the SSDI search and then called the SSA, there is no record of his death as of today so I am beginning to accept that my mother sunk to an all time new low and lied. If I call her on it she will re-word what she claims she told me and try to pass it off as a misunderstanding on my behalf. I am going to try the landlord tomorrow and hopefully find out where he is. Thanks for your support She claimed someone called her, the SSA told me if she was contacted it was by letter. I have no idea what information was asked or given. I'm not sure she would even be eligible for survivor benefits, they divorced 23 yrs ago. Last edited by yonique; 02-06-2007 at 05:08 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

02-07-2007, 03:14 AM	#8 (permalink)
Sue Teufel Hunden's Freundin Location: Westminster, CO	Ask the police to stop by the address you have to check on his whereabouts. __________________ Teg yw edrych tuag adref.

02-06-2007, 03:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
analog Banned	If he has died, you should be able to find that information. I would keep trying the landlord to see what's going on. I wouldn't say this means he's still alive, or not, but I think the factors stack up a bit that he isn't... certainly the Social Security office would have record of it if your mom had, indeed, been contacted by them. Good luck, and don't give in to the rough time you're having. You'll find what you need to know- one way or another.

02-09-2007, 09:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	http://www.zabasearch.com/ This site is amazing for finding people. Good luck.

02-10-2007, 04:47 AM	#11 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	.. Last edited by flat5; 05-03-2008 at 02:37 AM..

02-10-2007, 07:09 AM	#12 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	I'm afraid have nothing to contribute... except that I'm curious to hear how this turns out, hope that's okay.

02-12-2007, 01:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
yonique Upright	update I did call the SSA and they told me they have no record of him as deceased. They would not have called my mother without him being in the system, furthermore they said if they did indeed contact her about benefits it would have been by letter. Thank you Craven Morehead (I just got that name lol) for the Zaba search site, 72 possibilities came up. I tried it but will have to look at it again when I have time to make some calls. I did get finally reach the property manager at my dad's last known address, he told me my dad moved 2 months ago to Baltimore MD. He does not have a forwarding address, hopefully my dad registered with the USPS, if so the letter I plan to send him tomorrow will be forwarded. My mother has a history of lying especially when it comes to my dad. He left when I was 12, supposedly because he was "sick of my shit." I found out 15 yrs later she forced him to leave and blocked all attempts of communication from him to me, and pocketed all money sent while complaining to everyone that he left us high and dry. I found my father after searching for 3 yrs, we managed to maintain a relationship for about 5 yrs. I am guessing he started having some mental health issues, he became very demanding and verbally abusive towards me. He threatened me constantly, telling me if I didnt live my life and raise my kids the way he told me he would write me out of his will. The last straw was when he wanted me to move to an improvished area of Richmond (near him) and live in a 12x54 trailer (that was older than me) with my husband and 3 kids... I refused so he disowned me. I was living in Pa at the time, owned a home and we had good jobs. He wrote me a letter telling me that as far as he was concerned I did not exist. He enclosed copies of his will which explicitly stated I was to get nothing. About a year ago I received a letter from him, judging by what he wrote he is either mentally ill or going through Alzheimers. He knows something happened but not what exactly, he was orry and wanted to be in touch again. I was too hurt and bitter to respond at the time but I want to find him and make my peace before it's too late. Thank you everyone for your advice and support, it was all very helpful.

02-12-2007, 01:48 PM	#14 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	Good luck with your search yonique, it all sounds very complicated especially to an outsider, but I hope you find a resolution and get the closure you're looking for.

02-13-2007, 08:52 AM	#15 (permalink)
evil_twin617 Upright Location: Houston, TX	Sounds to me like your mother has some honesty issues. The SSA doesn't contact YOU when someone dies. You contact them to get survivor benefits. __________________ I'm not good at empathy - will you accept sarcasm?

03-04-2007, 06:17 AM	#16 (permalink)
yonique Upright	Update: I did talk to the landlord at my fathers last known address, he told me my father had moved to Baltimore 2 months ago. He did not have a forwarding address for him, I checked all the leads I had to find him online but was unsucessful. Hoping that he would register his address change with the USPS I wrote him a letter, it should get forwarded if it's registered. It's been about 2 weeks, I have not received the returned letter nor have I heard from him. y feelings have settled, I have accepted that I may never hear from him again. As for my mother I have not been able to bring myself to spake to her since this happened. Thanks for all your advice and expressions of concern and empathy.