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Originally Posted by Charlatan
I find it interesting that our North American response is to say that our lives are out own. In Asia, it isn't the case. As a child you have filial responsibilities to your parent.
They looked after you and you *must* look after them. Your individual needs are secondary to this.
Your mother, being Thai, may be struggling with this.
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Yeah, I mentioned this in the previous post... the fact that Thai children (especially daughters) have no choice but to look after their parents. And I mean, no choice. Children, even adult children, do not get a choice in this matter. "Boundaries" and "healthy independence and a sense of self" are NOT values in Thai society.
And as an anthropologist I understand this on an intellectual level, but not a gut one. I can only be culturally relative to a certain point in my own life, and this is not one area where I will bow down and be Thai. YES, I will look after my mom when she gets to the point of needing to be looked after. But the fact is, she has no severe health problems other than that she is overweight. She is in her early 60s. She looks after herself just fine in every regard, except that she does not eat healthily and does not exercise. So frankly, given her overall health (she also lives with her brother, sister-in-law, and nephew... all Thai, and they give her some company in the house) there is just no reason for her to be freaking out in this manner, except that she has always done it... even when I crossed the street to spend the night at a friend's house when I was a kid. She wants me to be within her sight and reach at all times, until the day she dies. If she had it her way, I would never have left home, never gone away to school, never had any relationships with anyone other than her (including my stepdad). She would rather that I never married, but it's the only way for her to acquire grandkids... so she "permits" it. To me, that's not just Thai... that's an anxiety or personality (narcissism?) disorder. So that is what I am dealing with, more than anything.
Anyway, sorry for the vent, there's a lot stored up about this...
