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Old 01-24-2007, 07:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
JustJess
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The issue is definitely more pronounced if you're an only child, I'll give you that... but I think it's more about daughters than anything. Rarely do the sons think to take care of their elderly parents. It's a daughter's "duty". The only exception to that that I know of is my uncle - he and his wife were absolutely amazing with my grandmother (they were the only ones in the same state, etc.). Even then... it was mostly my married-into-the-family-aunt who took on the larger share of the burden. And my mom felt/feels guilty about that like nobody's business - even moved in with Grandma for a couple of years to try to help. Ah, guilt...

Frankly, I don't see anything else you could be doing. You continue to love her, and let her know that in word and action, but you don't - and should NOT - give up your life to subjugate to her insecurity. Nothing like insecurity to make a person ridiculously selfish, eh? (I'm looking at Charlatan's MIL here too, by the way. Clearly she's worrying about getting older too, etc, etc, etc.)

As long as you are clear that you would be there for her in the case of a serious health issue, what else can you do? Repeat after me (while I remind myself of this for my family too):

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER HAPPINESS. ONLY SHE CAN MAKE HERSELF HAPPY. IT'S OKAY TO BE HAPPY WHEN SHE'S NOT. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

And don't move back to Seattle, for gods' sakes. Not now. It's a silly power struggle, but one I think you should win.
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