I am feeling as though I need a change of scenery and I am not sure how to go about it.
Some TFP members I have spoken to in a more in depth manner,and these know I have had a bit of a rough time lately and have developed soem mental health problems, depression (I hate that word because I do not actually think this is what I have got) onset of psychosis,anxiety and panic disorder. I think I have developed these issues (which I never ina zilllion years thought I would) because of ongoing chronic stress. I do beleive body and mind function as a whole, and I have noticed since becoming mentally unhealthy, I now have IBS to a much more severe level than before, I am a lot more tired, my skin isnt as good..you get the picture I am not feeling too well inside or out. And I have always been a strong healthy person to an extent, no health problems in the family or anything.
I have a house and 2 long term lodgers, who are both friends, one is my best girlfriend anothr a gay guy I met at university.
I work in the city centre,3 days per week and go to a lecture one night per week, ( I study part time) also in the city centre.
Lately the pills I am on are takin effect, and I am feeling a little more rational and a little better, coping with everyday things and just enjoying been able to think straighter...but I am craving a change of scenery very much!I just fancy having some alone quality time with myself, being able to read in a quiet place, being able to reflect and recharge my mind and contemplate what has happened to me because it has affected me badly and I want to get better having mourned this period. I hope that makes sense!
It isnt just that I need to thnk about though, I know anyone who has had any mental illness will know that whilst in the grips of it, your actual reality gets put on hold often, you cannot think straight, make decisions, move on fromanything or accept changes. I couldnt think rationally about anything, and this has gone on for over 18 months now. I need to think about my university work,about my house ( I want to look for somewhere else to live and not sure where)and about my family ( I live too far from them now, as my grandmother, mother and father are not in the best of health of recent).
But I do not know how to do it. I do not mind so much going to work or anywthing, I still would get the evenings to myself.
I was thinking about finding somewhere to rent a flat or something nearby,but that seems a little too much hassle and difficult.
Then I thought maybe I should stay with my parents for a bit, 70 miles from here and nice, nice surroundings etc but I really would like to be on my own and the way I feel, I do not think I want to be in company. Also I would then need to book time off from work.
Then I thought about finding a hotel in a nice place, and staying there alone for a week or so.
Then I thought about finding a hotel in the city centre, and still working my three days,but having that clean slate to go home to..this house now has many bad memories and issues for me.
I am not looking to cry on anyones shoulder here! Just want to know what other people would do if they were in any such situation, or if anyone can empathise.
If not, no worries!
Jennifer xx