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Manorfire · 01-09-2007, 12:14 AM

I live opposite one of the largest universities in the UK. For the past 3 years, I've offered free board and facilities to a student in return for completing some cooking and domestic tasks. It's an arrangement that has always been very successful and I've made some nice friendships along the way.

As it happens, all of the students I've previously had have been female. They've also been very outgoing and had lots of similar friends, who would visit the house. My last lodger moved out just before Xmas. I've since had problems finding a new one because of the time of the year.

That was until an enquiry over the weekend led to a student coming to view the house yesterday. I really liked him and so did my 4 year old daughter. It's quite a novelty for her to have another male in the house. He's got above average cooking skills and has offered to do beyond the usual domestic tasks as he prefers a very tidy home. He's also studying subjects that I'm involved and interested in. We had a deep and meaningful conversation about various social issues - he's gay, I'm disabled - and concluded that we have a similar perspective on things.

As he left the house, I told him I'd let him know shortly as he needs the room as soon as possible. I should be happy to have met such a suitable lodger, but all night I've been awake thinking it over. He told me he's made no firm friends in the first term of his course and he left the home he was sharing with other students due to not getting on with them. We really seem like peas in a pod! It's the fact that he's male that presents itself as an issue. I now accept that I'd have prefered another female, for various reasons. This makes me feel low that I could be so sexist.

I work from home and going out to socialise has become more physically difficult this year. Also, I was mugged a year ago and my confidence has been knocked. I realise now how much I'd relied on my previous lodger and her friends to stimulate my mind and entertain me. Whereas, he has told me he's a 'loner', who prefers a peaceful environment and who doesn't go out much. I feel like all female company will be cut off, but I have no choice such is the urgent need for a lodger. I also feel down as this has magnified how many friends I have of my own.

I am going to take him on and hope these feelings are temporary. I'm really just looking for your thoughts. I need to view this as a positive event, rather than let my negativity overshadow it.

01-09-2007, 12:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Manorfire Upright Location: England	Lodger Worries I live opposite one of the largest universities in the UK. For the past 3 years, I've offered free board and facilities to a student in return for completing some cooking and domestic tasks. It's an arrangement that has always been very successful and I've made some nice friendships along the way. As it happens, all of the students I've previously had have been female. They've also been very outgoing and had lots of similar friends, who would visit the house. My last lodger moved out just before Xmas. I've since had problems finding a new one because of the time of the year. That was until an enquiry over the weekend led to a student coming to view the house yesterday. I really liked him and so did my 4 year old daughter. It's quite a novelty for her to have another male in the house. He's got above average cooking skills and has offered to do beyond the usual domestic tasks as he prefers a very tidy home. He's also studying subjects that I'm involved and interested in. We had a deep and meaningful conversation about various social issues - he's gay, I'm disabled - and concluded that we have a similar perspective on things. As he left the house, I told him I'd let him know shortly as he needs the room as soon as possible. I should be happy to have met such a suitable lodger, but all night I've been awake thinking it over. He told me he's made no firm friends in the first term of his course and he left the home he was sharing with other students due to not getting on with them. We really seem like peas in a pod! It's the fact that he's male that presents itself as an issue. I now accept that I'd have prefered another female, for various reasons. This makes me feel low that I could be so sexist. I work from home and going out to socialise has become more physically difficult this year. Also, I was mugged a year ago and my confidence has been knocked. I realise now how much I'd relied on my previous lodger and her friends to stimulate my mind and entertain me. Whereas, he has told me he's a 'loner', who prefers a peaceful environment and who doesn't go out much. I feel like all female company will be cut off, but I have no choice such is the urgent need for a lodger. I also feel down as this has magnified how many friends I have of my own. I am going to take him on and hope these feelings are temporary. I'm really just looking for your thoughts. I need to view this as a positive event, rather than let my negativity overshadow it.