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Dear "Scared",
Do you think that you can talk to your parents about these feelings? I think a good start to feeling less lost and alone would be to find an older human that you can talk to openly about this issue and who won't judge you because of it. If you feel that your parents might not take it very well, then maybe you could speak to a counselor at school or an adult friend that you trust. It's good to talk about your feelings, and I'm sure you will feel relieved to get things out in the open.
It sounds to me as if you may perhaps have homosexual feelings, but I think you are still quite young to be totally sure that is the path you will take. It could be that you will develop bisexual feelings later on, or it could just be that you develop deep connections with other boys and are quite sensitive and so become to some degree infatuated with your close friends - this is quite common at your age, and between girls also. Whatever comes of those feelings, the best thing you can do is talk about them with someone understanding and supportive and not keep them to yourself. Adolescence is hard enough without these mixed emotinos you are having.
As for speaking to your friend, I cannot say whether that is the best path for you. I would say that most young boys of that age will be afraid of boys who display homosexual feelings towards them and you may scare your friends or they may even turn against you. I think what you are likely most afraid of is the possible social rejection, and I know that kids can be very cruel. However, if the nature of your relationship with your friend(s) is very close and you have always been open with each other, perhaps you can trust him. If he is, in your opinion, a fair-minded, non-prejudiced person, then I'm sure he will understand how you feel and support you in what he can, and keep your confidences private as long as you wish him to. But remember that even though you may tell him you feel for him, he may not have those same feelings for you and you will have to respect that if that is the case. But you never know, he may feel the same way and be scared too.
I hope you are able to confide in someone and to work out those mixed emotions you are experiencing in the best possible way.
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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