suncrafter

I have an advice column called "Ask Da Orcs" (It is like "Dear Abby", but... er... with Orcs.)

A short time ago I got an email from a 16 year old kid who thinks he might be gay. He seems rather upset about it and I want him to get some good advice for a change. I'm at a loss as to what to say to this poor kid. Here is the email he wrote:

"Dear Orcs, I'm a 16 year old human male and I'm scared. I am scared because I'm afraid that I might be gay. I like some of my friends who are boys and that bothers me a LOT. I WANT to like girls. But I have feelings for some of my friends who are boys and not for any of my friends that are girls. (Like that deep feeling in our stomach kind of feeling.) I find myself being sad a lot... Not just because I'm scared that I like boys, but also that I can't be with any of them. I'm sure it sounds weird but I'm scared and it makes me cry. I don't know what to do about these feelings. I don't wanna sound wimpy, because I'm not, but this is the only thing that's ever made me this upset. There is one friend in particular that I like and I don't know if I should talk to him or get to know him better because I've only known him a short while. Should I tell him how I feel? If so, how? Thank you and sorry if I was rambling."
- "Scared"

Can anyone here think of some good advice the "Ask Da Orcs" panel could give to this kid? The 6 Orcs on the A.D.O. panel are a diverse group, so any material will "fit" one or more of the characters. I'd be particularly interested in anyone with advice that might be helpful to this guy, but I'd also like to hear any funny, gross, intellectual or silly responses you might have too. (As I said, it is a diverse panel of Orcs.)

[link removed by moderator]

__________________
I'm too cool to have a signature.

ratbastid

The advice I'd give him if I weren't a orc (and I'm not saying I'm not!) is this:

Adolescence is a confusing time. Your body is changing in ways that are strange to you--including what your hormones are telling you that you like and don't like. Now is not the time to worry about the end result (like "how you'll turn out"). Things can get pretty scrambled up during this time in people's lives.

If you are gay, it will take you some time to come to terms with it. You will have to deal with the nonsense our culture has told you about homosexuality. Eventually, you will realize that there's more to you than who you sleep with, and you'll end up being okay with all of yourself. (Actually, you'll figure that out if you're not gay too--you just won't have to deal with the societal stuff about homosexuality.)

Until then, yeah, it's going to be confusing and hard. I recommend you find someone you can talk to about this. Our feelings and fears have complete control over us until we let them out. I suspect that even writing this letter helped a little, right? Go to a school counselor or an older relative you can trust to keep it confidential.

The_Jazz

What RB said. Fantastic advice, sir.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Lady Sage

A round of applause for Mr. Rat! Fabulously phrased.

__________________
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open.
It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper
Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

Willravel

Scared,

I think we should first delve into why you are afraid. Many people who are coming to the realization that they may be bisexual or homosexual fear what society might think of them. While there are some backwards people who might mistreat someone for being gay, there are also people out there that would mistreat someone because they have freckles or a lisp. Would it be better to avoid being yourself and maybe avoiding some lashings or would it be better to be yourself? I ask honestly, because it's possible you are quite litterally surrounded by people who may not understand that your continuing realization of a truth about yourself is a very healthy development. It's possible those around you could judge you harshly, and it's possible that they may accept you. That's not for me to say. What I can say is that your best bet is to weight the pros and cons. Some men and women who discover early on that they are homosexual choose to hide it until they leave home or even to their death beds, though I'd hardly advocate the latter.

It's time for you to spend some time figuring out who you are. Take time to figure out who you are attracted to. You may be bisexual or gay, but it's really up to you to make the determination based on your feelings. I would refrain from dating until you're sure, as it woulnd't be fair to start a relationship without knowing whether you were really interested or not. If you de feel the strong need to start a relationship, be as honest as possible. Explain where you are right now and what that could mean.

If you're not sure with whom you might speak of this, you may want to consider speaking to a professional.

Best of luck, and I hope for the best outcome.

jerseyboy

Just slight confused but can you explain what an Ask Da Orcs column is.

Daniel_

Google writes:

http://www.orcmagazine.com/ORC_MAGAZ...k_Da_Orcs.html

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Willravel

Hahahaha, the New Orcer.

little_tippler

Dear "Scared",

Do you think that you can talk to your parents about these feelings? I think a good start to feeling less lost and alone would be to find an older human that you can talk to openly about this issue and who won't judge you because of it. If you feel that your parents might not take it very well, then maybe you could speak to a counselor at school or an adult friend that you trust. It's good to talk about your feelings, and I'm sure you will feel relieved to get things out in the open.

It sounds to me as if you may perhaps have homosexual feelings, but I think you are still quite young to be totally sure that is the path you will take. It could be that you will develop bisexual feelings later on, or it could just be that you develop deep connections with other boys and are quite sensitive and so become to some degree infatuated with your close friends - this is quite common at your age, and between girls also. Whatever comes of those feelings, the best thing you can do is talk about them with someone understanding and supportive and not keep them to yourself. Adolescence is hard enough without these mixed emotinos you are having.

As for speaking to your friend, I cannot say whether that is the best path for you. I would say that most young boys of that age will be afraid of boys who display homosexual feelings towards them and you may scare your friends or they may even turn against you. I think what you are likely most afraid of is the possible social rejection, and I know that kids can be very cruel. However, if the nature of your relationship with your friend(s) is very close and you have always been open with each other, perhaps you can trust him. If he is, in your opinion, a fair-minded, non-prejudiced person, then I'm sure he will understand how you feel and support you in what he can, and keep your confidences private as long as you wish him to. But remember that even though you may tell him you feel for him, he may not have those same feelings for you and you will have to respect that if that is the case. But you never know, he may feel the same way and be scared too.

I hope you are able to confide in someone and to work out those mixed emotions you are experiencing in the best possible way.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918