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Suzz04 · 12-22-2006, 04:02 PM

I haven't posted in quite a while. Sometimes it feels like I'm opening myself up to futher humilation. Sometimes I'm just too scared of what would be said. But, I can't hold it back any longer and have managed to tie myself up in a emotional knot that I can't loosen and unravel.

Alittle background so nobody has to go digging up anything. I'm 30 years old, just turned in Nov, and have a 11 year old daughter. Mind you, yes she is going through her years in life that will prove the most difficult for me.

I am dating... or....rather... I'm not even sure at this moment. Right now it's wait and see how things are after Christmas. Holidays are rough enough as it is without the stress of a relationship problem going awry.

Him. 23 years old. Works night shift and helps me out all that he can. I don't work. I have a few problems that are preventing me from being able to at this time.

We've had a decent, good relationship. Both agreeing to try new things and agreeing that if one doesn't like, it happens no more. So far, we've had two bad three some encounters. We've had different excitements happen at home with just the two of us.

Currently, I have placed myself into a problem that may be the end of our relationship. I jokely said one day about a open relationship. Yes, I realize now that was mistake number one. He was stunned and said he'd have to think about it.

We came to a agreement after much discussion that revealed why we do not have a "normal" sex life. Yes, I realize that a sex life is not the main basis for a relationship. But, it is nice to be loved on by the one that you love.

Things that came to light were some of the problems I'm currently having is turning him off. I've been trying to stop the fights with my daughter. That's been very difficult to do. Her father is in NY and snickers at me anytime I ask for the supposed help he keeps telling me to ask him for. I tend to turn things that are relatively small into full blown train collisions.

The night before last, our friend came over. The one that we discussed and discussed with about him having sex with her solo. I'm not really so bothered with that he had sex with her. It's just that nothing seemed to change like he said it was going to. More excitement for him to pay lots of attention to me more. Yes, I agreed to it and I approached her. I really didn't think that she would due to her being married. However, even though her marriage is on the rocks doesn't help the situation either.

Now, I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I want to open up these new little worlds of excitment for each of us. But, now I feel confused and almost tied up inside.

I had no problem talking to her afterwards. I still have no problem talking to her now. She's a great person and personally I was glad she'd be the one we'd talk to.

Now here's my problem. I felt very off sorts right afterwards. Not because of the deed. But, was this the solution to excite our lives? Or.... was this the solution that was going to destroy us for good?

So far he can't answer that question. That if it's helped or not. They both don't mind this becoming a every now and then basis. I'm not sure so far. I have very mixed feelings.

However, on his behalf, I will state that he said if I didn't want to do this (before it happened) then it would never happen. Also, if I didn't feel comfortable afterwards, then we'd decide if not to do it again. I'm alittle mixed. I'm alittle excited because this may lead to a threesome with a girl that I have had feelings for a long time. She makes me feel hot and bothered on more than several occassions. There is that possibility to look forward to.

But, so far he doesn't want to really ... or doesn't seem to I should say... to discuss what the future holds. I'm not really sure if he knows at this point. I do know that he's very pissed at me at the moment. No matter how I try to word myself, it comes out wrong and he gets upset.

I'm looking for insight from someone that may have been there. I'm looking for someone to tell me just something of why I feel this way if they have any clue. I feel a bit trapped and alone since they are the only two I can talk to and neither so far want to talk to me. I think she's at work, but I'm not so sure. I won't say she's ignoring my calls because that would be a assumption and very possibly untrue.

Forgive me for this extremely long post, and thank you very much for reading through it.

For a side note, I don't regret what has happened. I'm more worried on the future. Something that I know I can't control, but like I'm looking down a long dark road that I have no clue where it may lead. Currently, at the rate this is going....I'm heading towards loosing my boyfriend for my "bitch" attitude. Which I'm really trying not to be.

suzz04

12-22-2006, 04:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
Suzz04 Crazy Location: Virginia	Alittle something different. I haven't posted in quite a while. Sometimes it feels like I'm opening myself up to futher humilation. Sometimes I'm just too scared of what would be said. But, I can't hold it back any longer and have managed to tie myself up in a emotional knot that I can't loosen and unravel. Alittle background so nobody has to go digging up anything. I'm 30 years old, just turned in Nov, and have a 11 year old daughter. Mind you, yes she is going through her years in life that will prove the most difficult for me. I am dating... or....rather... I'm not even sure at this moment. Right now it's wait and see how things are after Christmas. Holidays are rough enough as it is without the stress of a relationship problem going awry. Him. 23 years old. Works night shift and helps me out all that he can. I don't work. I have a few problems that are preventing me from being able to at this time. We've had a decent, good relationship. Both agreeing to try new things and agreeing that if one doesn't like, it happens no more. So far, we've had two bad three some encounters. We've had different excitements happen at home with just the two of us. Currently, I have placed myself into a problem that may be the end of our relationship. I jokely said one day about a open relationship. Yes, I realize now that was mistake number one. He was stunned and said he'd have to think about it. We came to a agreement after much discussion that revealed why we do not have a "normal" sex life. Yes, I realize that a sex life is not the main basis for a relationship. But, it is nice to be loved on by the one that you love. Things that came to light were some of the problems I'm currently having is turning him off. I've been trying to stop the fights with my daughter. That's been very difficult to do. Her father is in NY and snickers at me anytime I ask for the supposed help he keeps telling me to ask him for. I tend to turn things that are relatively small into full blown train collisions. The night before last, our friend came over. The one that we discussed and discussed with about him having sex with her solo. I'm not really so bothered with that he had sex with her. It's just that nothing seemed to change like he said it was going to. More excitement for him to pay lots of attention to me more. Yes, I agreed to it and I approached her. I really didn't think that she would due to her being married. However, even though her marriage is on the rocks doesn't help the situation either. Now, I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I want to open up these new little worlds of excitment for each of us. But, now I feel confused and almost tied up inside. I had no problem talking to her afterwards. I still have no problem talking to her now. She's a great person and personally I was glad she'd be the one we'd talk to. Now here's my problem. I felt very off sorts right afterwards. Not because of the deed. But, was this the solution to excite our lives? Or.... was this the solution that was going to destroy us for good? So far he can't answer that question. That if it's helped or not. They both don't mind this becoming a every now and then basis. I'm not sure so far. I have very mixed feelings. However, on his behalf, I will state that he said if I didn't want to do this (before it happened) then it would never happen. Also, if I didn't feel comfortable afterwards, then we'd decide if not to do it again. I'm alittle mixed. I'm alittle excited because this may lead to a threesome with a girl that I have had feelings for a long time. She makes me feel hot and bothered on more than several occassions. There is that possibility to look forward to. But, so far he doesn't want to really ... or doesn't seem to I should say... to discuss what the future holds. I'm not really sure if he knows at this point. I do know that he's very pissed at me at the moment. No matter how I try to word myself, it comes out wrong and he gets upset. I'm looking for insight from someone that may have been there. I'm looking for someone to tell me just something of why I feel this way if they have any clue. I feel a bit trapped and alone since they are the only two I can talk to and neither so far want to talk to me. I think she's at work, but I'm not so sure. I won't say she's ignoring my calls because that would be a assumption and very possibly untrue. Forgive me for this extremely long post, and thank you very much for reading through it. For a side note, I don't regret what has happened. I'm more worried on the future. Something that I know I can't control, but like I'm looking down a long dark road that I have no clue where it may lead. Currently, at the rate this is going....I'm heading towards loosing my boyfriend for my "bitch" attitude. Which I'm really trying not to be. suzz04 __________________ Quantum Cat Theory: Upon hearing the sound of a can being opened, it becomes possible for a cat to travel faster than the speed of light.