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I agree with other posters here who say you have maturity and clear-headedness beyond your years, and that will help you a lot through the hard time you are going through.
You've done well to stay out of trouble and that little speeding ticket is just a small warning sign that you need to let your emotions out. It's good that you are able to tell us on the TFP, but you really should talk to your family. I'm sure they have no idea that you feel like you have to be all the womens' rock, and if they knew they wouldn't want you to be holding your feelings in. You're the kid here, they're the grown-ups. It's good that you're caring and supportive, but I'm sure they don't mind and will be happy to give you a shoulder to cry on if you need it once in a while. It's good to stay strong, but it's also important to have someone you can be honest with sometimes too. Just choose your timing if possible.
It's possible that maybe you were getting depressed. Feeling frequently sad and despondent is a sign of that. But I don't think you were really wrapped in it entirely because you seem to have kept a rational thought process throughout that and I think now you're "waking" out of it.
I went through 3 years of cancer with my father, pretty much from 19 to 21. The worst thing is to see the person you love becoming more and more helpless and a shadow of their former self. It was very stressful and emotional and my mom and I only had each other. But we were always each other's rock and shoulder to cry on in turn. In truth it was like we had a mutual deep understanding. We knew it was horrible, and sad and tense. But we never, not even 10 minutes before he died, believed in his death - we always had hope, because we were strong and so was he, even as debilitated as he was. It was very tough for me when he died, but it helped me come to terms with life and death. It's still something sad, but it's life's natural course. All we want is that those we love don't have to suffer when they go.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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