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Frankly.... you just tell her. As simply, and kindly put as you can. But as this is your wedding, you must take hold and shape it to what you what - it very quickly morphs into something everyone else wants, and that's rather frustrating. She's going to be hurt. She's going to be upset. But the only thing you can do is to be honest, and make sure she knows that it's not about HER or your friendship with her, but about how you dream of your own wedding day. That when she gets married, you want to help her have it exactly as she wants it. That you're just not the traditional type.
It's all you can do. If she loves you that much, she'll get over it eventually. People just get so excited about this stuff, they forget to listen. There's no easy way to make her do so. Good luck, and congratulations on your engagement!
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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