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Depression – Never gave it a thought until now
Hello everybody,
I registered on this web-site because I wanted to be a part of this wonderful community and am really fortunate to be here.
Anyways, I’m 19 years old and am currently pursuing a Psychology degree at a fairly prestigious university in Southern California. Funny thing is, I think I need counseling myself.
I lost my father after graduating from the sixth grade (1999) and have been growing up pretty much without the presence of an older male. Thanks to my strong and courageous mom, I’ve pulled through and have completely stayed away from danger, whether it’s trouble with the law, drugs, etc. My grandmother came from my home country to help us out and she has been our savior. Thanks to her, my mom and I got back on our feet. Things were normal for some time.
Just when I thought dealing with cancer was over with, it struck my family again. For the past six months or so, I’ve been witnessing a brain tumor eat my grandmothers life away, slowly, day by day. Although I’ve dealt with the horrible disease in the past, it just seems a lot harder now…probably because I’m a lot older and am aware of what is going on in a lot more intellectual way.
Watching my grandmother suffer is an unexplainable feeling. My mother and aunt are going through some hard times themselves and being the supportive male, I often hear them but am afraid to express how I feel because I know that’s the last thing they want to hear behalf of myself.
That being said, I’ve been out, driving, and trying to get my mind off of things. For the past 1,500 miles or so, I would go on long runs driving at fairly high speeds, trying to leave the past behind and embark on a new journey. Only thing is, I’d come back home and would fall in a very sad state again. Next day I’d be out again, and whether it was a compulsive act or not, I think it became one.
To make things worse, I got pulled over last night for going 72MPH in a 65MPH zone, my first speeding ticket ever. I know things could’ve been worse, but that incident has got me to think a lot about my life and what I’m doing with it.
I could’ve been in much more trouble with the law, engaged in a fatal accident, or even faced death. As Steve Jobs said, “Cus' you'll have bad times, but that'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to.” I think I’m waking up, but whether it is from a depressive state or not, I do knot know.
Thanks for listening everyone, will look forward to all of your comments.
-GK
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