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Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes
Don’t get me wrong, I do love her and care for her a great deal, but I wake up almost on a daily basis wishing that I would’ve met her several years from now, not at this junction in my life. Not this young.
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Your situation reminds me of a similar one that I was in, when I was 19. My boyfriend at the time was 22, not a whole lot older, but he said the same thing to me towards the end of our relationship. He was 22 and felt way too young to be so serious about someone, even though he loved me (he said) and didn't want to hurt me. I was so confused.
In the end, as our mutual friend told me, he just wasn't mature enough (or ready enough, whatever you want to call it) to be able to walk the journey with me. And by correlation, I was not mature enough either, to be able to walk with him while he grew up. We just weren't well-matched enough to walk well together, as much as we thought we loved each other.
Love really isn't the key to everything, btw... it's a nice starter for things, but it doesn't get you terribly far. Compatibility and the potential to live 30, 40, 50 years *as a couple* are built on far more than love. And that's the kind of thing it takes a few more years to realize, before making a commitment like that. It may be that you will marry this girl... do you have to make a decision now? It may be that you won't. Why not hang around for a bit, tell her and her family to back off the marriage topic, and see how you grow?
Essentially, Jess is right... it's okay to meet the love of your life at a young age, but most people (on either side) aren't emotionally able to grow WITH someone else at that point. Most people can barely grow on their OWN, let alone alongside someone else's differently-timed growing fits and starts.
I met my husband when we were 24... and going on 3 years later, I'm absolutely convinced that if I had met him even 6 months earlier than that time, I wouldn't have been ready for him. And maybe he wouldn't have been ready for me. It comes down to timing, and being at the point where you can grow with (instead of against) each other. Only you can figure out where you're at, and you've GOT to talk with her about where she's at and what she expects.
One question: are either you or she religious? I am wondering if that has anything to do with the pressure to get married (esp. if you are not having sex till marriage, etc... is that the case?).