noodle

So this contains multiple issues and questions and I'm tired of dealing with the fallout from discussing it with my family and friends. I've had such wonderful feedback from more open people here that I thought I'd let it out a bit and see what comes back...

The first thing:
I don't want children. Period, end of story. I'm a social worker with terminally ill kids. And I'm selfish. I think I have some valid reasons why I don't want them. In no particular order... First being that I'd be the most neurotic mother on the planet and put a baby in a bubble after seeing what could happen to him/her. Second, I have a very stressful job with no intentions to leave it and I wouldn't have time to devote to a family... I see what my coworkers go through and I'm not willing to put myself or anyone else in that situation. Third, I'm selfish. I like to pick up and go on a whim, I don't plan on "settling down", I'm not planning to ever get married and I don't want someone to be tied to me forever due to sharing a child. This being said, I'm a fairly logical and rational being and my family is freaking out because "What if you change your mind later?!" My response is usually, "There are enough children already out there that need a loving family, if I change my mind, I could provide a good home for one or a few of them." A very select few of my friends that share my opinion have given me props for being able to recognize that I don't want kids and for taking steps to ensure this. Which leads to my next issue...

I just turned thirty. Which means that I no longer fall into the category where the insurance company won't even look at paying for a tubal. I'm tired of having to rely partly on a partner to ensure I don't get pregnant. I've been on the pill since I was 14 for polycystic ovaries and have had the Period From Hell since then. I've tried tri-cyclic pills, regular cycle pills, going without for 5 months, and Yasmin. I love Yasmin because I can skip my cycle for two months, but I'm still getting PMS, homicidal and severe cramping even when I skip. I'm already on Wellbutrin XL which helps with my inherited depression and anxiety and my history of severe cervical dysplasia has indicated that I shouldn't really focus on NuvaRing or an IUD since I'm already prone to cervical issues. Plus, the thing bleeds like a stuck pig every time it gets bumped during sex or scraped at the doctor's. I'm looking more towards permanancy or at least more reliable conception prevention. My mother freaked when I mentioned that I was looking into an abelation and tubal. Again with the "What if you change your mind?!" and then there's the fact that it's a surgery. There's no guarantee that my period or PMS will go away with the abelation. So, I'm examining Depo for now to see if this would help. My annual is in January and I plan to talk at length with my GYN but I want to have my options and information straight before I go in. Plus, I'm a little neurotic and obsessive about gathering all the information I can before making a decision like this.

I know that there's currently another BC thread, but I'm curious as to those who have made either of these choices, specifically related to not wanting kids and dealing with severe PMS (and during cycle syndrome). I would seriously have everything removed if it didn't create a whole new set of problems. I'm tired of the feeling that a small, rabid animal is chewing its way out of my abdomen and feeling as if I am seriously going to harm someone every time they piss me off every month. Any thoughts, ladies?

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