noodle

So this contains multiple issues and questions and I'm tired of dealing with the fallout from discussing it with my family and friends. I've had such wonderful feedback from more open people here that I thought I'd let it out a bit and see what comes back...

The first thing:
I don't want children. Period, end of story. I'm a social worker with terminally ill kids. And I'm selfish. I think I have some valid reasons why I don't want them. In no particular order... First being that I'd be the most neurotic mother on the planet and put a baby in a bubble after seeing what could happen to him/her. Second, I have a very stressful job with no intentions to leave it and I wouldn't have time to devote to a family... I see what my coworkers go through and I'm not willing to put myself or anyone else in that situation. Third, I'm selfish. I like to pick up and go on a whim, I don't plan on "settling down", I'm not planning to ever get married and I don't want someone to be tied to me forever due to sharing a child. This being said, I'm a fairly logical and rational being and my family is freaking out because "What if you change your mind later?!" My response is usually, "There are enough children already out there that need a loving family, if I change my mind, I could provide a good home for one or a few of them." A very select few of my friends that share my opinion have given me props for being able to recognize that I don't want kids and for taking steps to ensure this. Which leads to my next issue...

I just turned thirty. Which means that I no longer fall into the category where the insurance company won't even look at paying for a tubal. I'm tired of having to rely partly on a partner to ensure I don't get pregnant. I've been on the pill since I was 14 for polycystic ovaries and have had the Period From Hell since then. I've tried tri-cyclic pills, regular cycle pills, going without for 5 months, and Yasmin. I love Yasmin because I can skip my cycle for two months, but I'm still getting PMS, homicidal and severe cramping even when I skip. I'm already on Wellbutrin XL which helps with my inherited depression and anxiety and my history of severe cervical dysplasia has indicated that I shouldn't really focus on NuvaRing or an IUD since I'm already prone to cervical issues. Plus, the thing bleeds like a stuck pig every time it gets bumped during sex or scraped at the doctor's. I'm looking more towards permanancy or at least more reliable conception prevention. My mother freaked when I mentioned that I was looking into an abelation and tubal. Again with the "What if you change your mind?!" and then there's the fact that it's a surgery. There's no guarantee that my period or PMS will go away with the abelation. So, I'm examining Depo for now to see if this would help. My annual is in January and I plan to talk at length with my GYN but I want to have my options and information straight before I go in. Plus, I'm a little neurotic and obsessive about gathering all the information I can before making a decision like this.

I know that there's currently another BC thread, but I'm curious as to those who have made either of these choices, specifically related to not wanting kids and dealing with severe PMS (and during cycle syndrome). I would seriously have everything removed if it didn't create a whole new set of problems. I'm tired of the feeling that a small, rabid animal is chewing its way out of my abdomen and feeling as if I am seriously going to harm someone every time they piss me off every month. Any thoughts, ladies?

__________________

Sultana

Quoted for truth.

The only question I could discern in your post is
and
I too made the decision to not have children. I too was questioned repeatedly (read: interrogated) by family and total strangers. Very few of my friends have given me attitude about this.

I no longer feel the need to discuss or justify my decision to anyone. So I don't. The end.

Refuse to be baited. Refuse to discuss it further: firmly, nicely, unemotionally, and with finality.

Oh, and as to the methodology, after being on the pill for 15 years, I asked the hubby to get snipped. Which he did, no prob. If I could have a surgery that guaranteed me no more cycle problems and didn't create other problems, I'd have gone that route first.

I'm rather furious with modern society that we have available to us an Armada of penile erection disfunction medications, and women are still basically told to take an asprin for our monthly woes. But that's a subject for another post.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

mixedmedia

Well, I'm not exactly sure what you're asking, lol.

I'm 41 and had my last child in 1999. When I had her, I had a tubal done at the same time. I would say that the tubal was one of the 5 best decisions I ever made in my life. I was just talking to my daughter the other day about sex and how, when a woman starts having sex, it begins a lifetime of worrying about becoming pregnant. If you're not actively trying to become pregnant, that is. Even if you are on birth control, you never forget that small percentage of chance that you might still become pregnant - and god forbid you miss a pill or take a chance in the heat of passion and forego putting in your diaphragm. I feel like it has been a persistent plaguing thought virtually all of my life. Every late period is stressful. If your boobs feel different one day or you are nauseous you start with the subtle fretting - oh my god, what if I'm pregnant? Since I had the tubal though, I have not considered the possibility of becoming pregnant even once. It has been emotionally and mentally very freeing and I think I even enjoy sex more - or, I could have just hit that middle-aged sexual renaissance I always heard about, don't know. But if you are sure you do not want to have children, then I'd highly recommend the tubal ligation. Only thing is, it really hasn't affected my periods that I can tell. And I've heard very bad things about depo provera. Maybe some of the other ladies can elucidate on that.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

noodle

My head was spinning earlier and after re-reading what I wrote, I wasn't all that clear. Sorry!

I guess what I was looking for was more experiences that others have had with a tubal/abelation or Depo shots that made the choice related to severe periods/PMS or not wanting children.
~~Did abelation help with the symptoms? I'd get the tubal if I went that direction just because the risks associated with possibly getting pregnant with minimal uterine lining are too great.
~~Or, how did anyone respond to Depo?
~~Does it really help with the major symptoms (pain, irregularity, cysts, PMS)?
~~How effective has anyone found either really? I've met three people that had kids after a tubal (they all had the clamps) and two that got pregnant on Depo.
~~Did anyone else have to deal with balky doctors that didn't want to perform these more "drastic" (for lack of a better term) procedures? A friend of mine actually had a GYN refuse to continue to give her the shots because seh "may change her mind later". She's changing MDs as I speak due to problems with the Nuva they put her on.

Frustration makes me less eloquent/coherent, sorry ladies.

__________________

ngdawg

I'm not familiar with Depo, but I am with something called 'lupron'. Originally for testicular cancer, lupron is a self-injected medication that completely eradicates the menstrual cycle for as long as you take it-as long as 3 months. I don't know why you 'bleed like a stuck pig' and suffer so greatly, but if endometriosis is present, lupron, in stopping your cycle, stops that as well. Side effects of lupron, that at least I had, was just bitchiness, so no one really noticed a change. lupron
A friend of mine decided, also at 30, that she would never have kids and had to really badger her doctor into referring her for a tubal. That 'what if you change your mind' crap is just that-don't fall into the trap. If someone is that insistent on discussion, say "I'll adopt. Pass the pepper."
You DO have choices, you just have to be assertive in making them. There's always gonna be someone who thinks they know better.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Elphaba

fredweena, I chose to have a tubal in my mid 20's because of my certainty that I didn't want children, and for no other reason. Whatever debate there is about Nature v. Nurture, I believe that I never had the genetic trigger to procreate. My step-daughter has produced a child and I am delighted with her, but only in terms of how she is learning. It sounds cold hearted but I don't have any emotional connection to the child at all.

I suspect that my ob/gyn's unquestioned response to my wishes was unusual for the '70's, and perhaps continues to be to this day. It would be an interesting question to ask him.

mixedmedia

gulp...serious buzzkill.

But I have had the tubal for 7 years without getting pregnant. So I dunno...

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Lady Sage

Had an ablation in the past followed by 2 fabulous bleed free years. I am going in for a more intense ablation and a tubal Dec 4th. THey dont do tubals the same these days but..... I have no children either and just turned 30 a couple months back. Amen for them finally doing what ive wanted done for over 5 years.

__________________
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open.
It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper
Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

Sultana

Yeah, I cannot BELIEVE how much easier it is for a man to get a vasectomy than a woman to get sterilized. Yes, I know it's a lot easier--but that's NEVER the reason cited by the doctors. How many men have had doctors try to talk them out of a vasectomy? How many men have gotten horrified looks and "What if you change your mind?" How many men have been flatly told "No, I won't perform that procedure on you, for your own good."?!?

Now I almost want to get a tubal just to make a statement.

Tubals just stop the bleeding right? They don't stop the other stuff? Bleeding is the least of my problems with my cycle.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

mixedmedia

Maybe we're talking about two different things here, but my tubal did not affect my menstrual cycle at all.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

noodle

A tubal ligation blocks the eggs from making it down the fallopian tubes by either clampin or cutting and cauterizing them. There aren't any hormones involved. That I've heard of, anyway.

And abelation sears off the lining of the uterus, cutting down on or stopping the bleeding. No hormones involved here, either, except those usually triggered to release as the uterine lining thickens... I think.

__________________

StormBerlin

No, no, no, no, no. Depo is evil. If you think you're a wreck before from PMS, you don't even want to know what Depo will do to you FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH before your next shot is due.... Good luck in your search and I think it's very mature of you to take steps in preventing an obviously unwanted pregnancy.

__________________
"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane