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OzOz · 11-27-2006, 12:55 PM

My dad should never have had kids.

He is a VERY hard worker and while I was growing up he was always struggling hard to avoid bankruptcy, due to a situation caused by a couple of employees. As a provider, given what he had to work with, he was magnificent. He could also be a great guy to his friends, which led my school counsellor to tell me, "Don't be ridiculous. Your parents wouldn't do something like that. They're nice people!" when I told him what was happening at home.

As a father he was a child basher. My brother was the favourite who could do no wrong - to the extent that I got yelled at for crying when my brother took a running jump at me and deliberately kicked me in the mouth, just because he felt like it. (I was eleven at the time; my brother was six - he didn't get punished at all.) I was not allowed to cry or be upset about anything at all, and often had to hide under the house for a couple of hours after school as I was bullied relentlessly but couldn't take the risk of my parents seeing me unhappy. I am not aware that my father ever did so much as raise his voice at anyone for hurting me, whereas he always showed great concern about how I treated others (or rather, how he imagined I treated them). I was often bashed at my brother's say-so, as any arguments between us had been decreed to be automatically my fault. He would often take things I said way out of context, no matter how positive, and turn them around and throw them back at me in a way that was designed to make me feel really small, really stupid and really worthless, and I never knew when he was going to do it.

My dad is a good deal more supportive now, or makes some sort of effort to be, but frankly when I hear him say that he loves me, he almost may as well be reading me the phone book - it would mean as much.

What would I take into my own relationships with my children (if I ever have any)? What is there that's worth taking?

Analog, that "Secret Code" anecdote of yours is a classic!

11-27-2006, 12:55 PM	#25 (permalink)
OzOz Psycho Location: Right here, right now.	My dad should never have had kids. He is a VERY hard worker and while I was growing up he was always struggling hard to avoid bankruptcy, due to a situation caused by a couple of employees. As a provider, given what he had to work with, he was magnificent. He could also be a great guy to his friends, which led my school counsellor to tell me, "Don't be ridiculous. Your parents wouldn't do something like that. They're nice people!" when I told him what was happening at home. As a father he was a child basher. My brother was the favourite who could do no wrong - to the extent that I got yelled at for crying when my brother took a running jump at me and deliberately kicked me in the mouth, just because he felt like it. (I was eleven at the time; my brother was six - he didn't get punished at all.) I was not allowed to cry or be upset about anything at all, and often had to hide under the house for a couple of hours after school as I was bullied relentlessly but couldn't take the risk of my parents seeing me unhappy. I am not aware that my father ever did so much as raise his voice at anyone for hurting me, whereas he always showed great concern about how I treated others (or rather, how he imagined I treated them). I was often bashed at my brother's say-so, as any arguments between us had been decreed to be automatically my fault. He would often take things I said way out of context, no matter how positive, and turn them around and throw them back at me in a way that was designed to make me feel really small, really stupid and really worthless, and I never knew when he was going to do it. My dad is a good deal more supportive now, or makes some sort of effort to be, but frankly when I hear him say that he loves me, he almost may as well be reading me the phone book - it would mean as much. What would I take into my own relationships with my children (if I ever have any)? What is there that's worth taking? Analog, that "Secret Code" anecdote of yours is a classic! __________________ Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today. Last edited by OzOz; 11-27-2006 at 12:58 PM..